Worst Play: David Beaird's 900 Oneonta.
Joan Collins award for best production of worst play: Doug Lucie's production of his own play Gaucho; Anthony Page's production of Edward Albee's Three Tall Women.
Most, er, penetrating new play: Brad Fraser's Poor Super Man.
Naked talent: David Haig (Dead Funny) for not to rising to the occasion.
Most dramatic exit: Susan Hampshire from Richard Dreyfuss's production of Hamlet; Karel Reisz from Three Tall Women.
Outstanding theatre piece: Complicite's Three Lives of Lucie Cabrol.
Overdressed and underpowered: Philip Prowse's Lady Windermere's Fan (in which Amanda Elwes featured as an elegantly upholstered chair).
Alistair Cooke award for the most convincing American: Henry Goodman.
Loyd Grossman award for least convincing accents: the entire cast of 900 Oneonta (most of whom were speaking in their native tongue).
Guide dog award for talent-spotting: Hampstead Theatre for deciding to bin My Night With Reg (starring John Sessions, below).
Tony Slattery Award for ubiquity: Jeremy Sams, the director of Schippel the Plumber, Neville's Island, Forty Years On; the translator of Les Parents Terribles; rewrote lyrics of The Threepenny Opera. (So, don't you like ballet, Jeremy?)
Overrated and over here: David Beaird's 900 Oneonta, Tony Kushner's Perestroika.
Ariana Stassinopolous award for furthering the cause of women: Ben Travers's The Bed Before Yesterday.
Bardbrain of Britain Award: RSC's Everybody's Shakespeare season of plays.
Special awards for perfection: Mark Rylance (True West), David Bamber (My Night with Reg), Brid Brennan (Rutherford and Son), Henry Goodman and Ken Stott (Broken Glass), Samantha Bond (Le Cid), David Troughton (Venetian Twins), Simon Russell Beale (Ghosts), Frances de la Tour (Les Parents Terribles, Three Tall Women).
Best special effect: Snow that melts (RSC's Henry VI).