A Family Affair: Long-distance love

When James Boyle became Controller of Radio 4 nearly three years ago, he and his wife Marie took the decision to have a long-distance relationship: James would live in London during the week, and Marie would continue to live and work in Edinburgh. The couple have been married for 29 years, and have three sons

Marie Boyle

I cope much better than James does with a long-distance relationship - but then, I've all the support of home, my own things around me, my own friends; it's a much more natural situation. And in fact sometimes, when you're working full time, it's quite nice to have a weekend to yourself. I can get to Glasgow to see my parents, for example, without feeling that I'm impinging on the time James and I have together.

We've lived this kind of life for about two years now. The decision was quite easy. For a start, I was in a full-time job I really liked, and I didn't want to leave it. For nearly 15 years I've worked in a language unit at a school in Edinburgh; it's for children who have various kinds of language and communications disorders.

When James's latest job came up we'd already moved several times for his career. Some years ago we went from Glasgow to Guildford. Then, when we went back to Scotland, it was to Edinburgh. We'd moved our three boys to new schools three times. This time we decided that the boys and I would stay put.

Had the children been younger, we might have considered moving again, but not at this late stage. I felt that, having left family and friends before, we were too ensconced to do it again. The boys are older now, of course, but one of them is still at home and another has returned. He was at university in Glasgow but he's come home. The two of them are in and out of the house.

James and I try to meet every weekend, either here in London or, more often, in Scotland. We always try to do something special on Friday nights - dinner out, or the theatre - because Fridays can be tricky, while you readjust: you're longing to be together, but you're both tired...

In recent months it's been more fraught for James and he's not been able to get home as often as he'd have liked. There have been a couple of weekends when he's not managed to get away at all, so that it's been two or three weeks before we've seen each other. And when he is home, the mobile phone keeps ringing; I do find that very disruptive.

James's life is kind of unnatural. He doesn't like his flat - he keeps saying he's got to move - but he never has time to look for another place. He's quite a homey person and I do worry about not being there to support him, especially when Radio 4 is under attack. In fact, when that happened last, when the Rajar figures came out, it was during my half-term week in October and we had to cancel our holiday in Madrid. I went down to London anyway, and was in the office for a lot of that week. It was good to see the support he got, and a lot of people came and spoke to me and gave me some comfort. But I know he finds it very stressful. On the other hand, he's quite good at being alone in these circumstances. In some ways, I think it's the way he prefers to deal with things. We phone each other every day, and in the long run he doesn't let it get him down. He does bounce back.

This last weekend, James came up to give a lecture at Edinburgh University on Saturday, then we both went south for a big Asian festival at the NEC at Birmingham in the evening. Then it was back to London for the recording of the annual Radio 1 pantomime. I'll be on the first plane home tomorrow. My son will meet me at the airport and I'll go straight into school. The only problem I can foresee is that I'll be tired for a day or two.

James Boyle

I don't like living away from home. It's been nearly three years now and it doesn't get any better. I'm losing my tolerance for this way of life. I'm totally worn out, totally unfit - never get out into the fresh air. Only this morning we came home - or rather, back to my London flat - and the burglar alarms were screaming, from the shops around the place. I hate it. The trouble is that I'm not methodical about dealing with it all. I'm so completely oriented towards my work. I say to myself, every day, "I must deal with this; I must get out more." In fact, I bought myself a pair of track-suit bottoms - I had visions of myself jogging around Grosvenor Square - but I'm the least sporty person in the world. The best I've done is to wear them to go downstairs and open the front door to put the bins out.

The difficult thing is that we get so few windows to take holidays, because we can only go away in the school breaks. I certainly get very tired. I did feel the loss of that October holiday. We shan't get another chance now until April. My staff have been telling me to take every other Friday off and I suppose if they push me out of the door I might. I'm hopeless otherwise.

Perhaps there are some good things to come of not living at home. One of my sons has always complained that I'm very hard to talk to. Well, he came into the office about a month ago and one of the girls was talking to him and she said, "I was quite frightened coming here but it was OK because I spoke to your dad and he's so easy to talk to", and she walked away. He came straight up to me and said he couldn't believe his ears.

And it did make me think. If there's one good thing about all this it is that it gave me a sense of perspective about him. I got away from all the classic father things - clean up your room, do this, do that - and I began to get a bit calmer, because I saw him so little and I wanted to do it better. It did make me stop short and think, well, I've got to stop being a grouch when I get home.

And you see, I always was very home-oriented, completely unadventurous. That is why I liked Radio 4 so much. I was your ideal housewife. I have listened to the radio incessantly, all my life; I used to write letters to the broadcasters. I wrote to Tony Hancock when I was a kid. When I was interviewed for this job, people thought all that was a pose, but it wasn't. It was true.

I'm very proud of Marie. In effect, her job is a greater rarity than mine. There are plenty of BBC controllers but only a handful of people - anywhere - with her skills. Personally, I've always kept a clear line between work and home, and I know that it upsets Marie that I don't talk about it. Marie, you do know that I work for the BBC, don't you?

Interview by Sue Gaisford

Arts & Entertainment
Don (John Hamm) and Megan (Jessica Paré) Draper are going their separate ways in the final series of ‘Mad Men’
tvReview: The suits are still sharp, but Don Draper has lost his edge
Arts & Entertainment
art

By opportunistic local hoping to exhibit the work

Arts & Entertainment
Leonardo DiCaprio will star in an adaptation of Michael Punke's thriller 'The Revenant'
film

Fans will be hoping the role finally wins him an Oscar

Arts & Entertainment
Cody and Paul Walker pictured in 2003.
film

VIDEO
Arts & Entertainment
Down to earth: Fern Britton presents 'The Big Allotment Challenge'
TV

Arts & Entertainment
The London Mozart Players is the longest-running chamber orchestra in the UK
musicThreatened orchestra plays on, managed by its own members
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition iPad app?
Arts & Entertainment
Seeing red: James Dean with Sal Mineo in 'Rebel without a Cause'
film

Arts & Entertainment
TV
Arts & Entertainment
Heads up: Andy Scott's The Kelpies in Falkirk
art

What do gigantic horse heads tell us about Falkirk?

Arts & Entertainment
artGraffiti legend posts picture of work – but no one knows where it is
Arts & Entertainment
A close-up of Tom of Finland's new Finnish stamp
art

Finnish Postal Service praises the 'self irony and humour' of the drawings

Arts & Entertainment
Pierce Brosnan as James Bond in 2002's Die Another Day
film

The actor has confessed to his own insecurities

Life & Style
Green fingers: a plot in East London
TV

Allotments are the focus of a new reality show

Arts & Entertainment
Myleene Klass attends the Olivier awards 2014

Oliviers 2014Theatre stars arrive at Britain's most prestigious theatre awards
Arts & Entertainment
Stars of The Book of Mormon by Trey Parker and Matt Stone of South Park

Oliviers 2014Blockbuster picked up Best Musical and Best Actor in a Musical
Arts & Entertainment
Lesley Manville with her Olivier for Best Actress for her role in 'Ghosts'

Oliviers 2014Actress thanked director Richard Eyre for a stunning production
Arts & Entertainment
Rory Kinnear in his Olivier-winning role as Iago in Othello

Oliviers 2014Actor beat Jude Law and Tom Hiddleston to take the award
Arts & Entertainment
Benedict Cumberbatch is best known for this roles in Sherlock and Star Trek
TV

Arts & Entertainment
theatreAll hail the temporary venue that has shaken things up at the National Theatre
Arts & Entertainment
musicShe is candid, comic and coming our way
Arts & Entertainment
booksHer new novel is about people seeking where they belong
Arts & Entertainment
TV
Arts & Entertainment
tvGrace Dent on The Crimson Field
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition iPad app?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Ricky Gervais: 'People are waiting for me to fail. If you think it's awful, then just don't watch it'

    Ricky Gervais: 'People are waiting for me to fail'

    As the second series of his divisive sitcom 'Derek' hits screens, the comedian tells James Rampton why he'll never bow to the critics who habitually circle his work
    Mad Men series 7, TV review: The suits are still sharp, but Don Draper has lost his edge

    Mad Men returns for a final fling

    The suits are still sharp, but Don Draper has lost his edge
    Google finds a lift into space will never get off the ground as there is no material strong enough for a cable from Earth into orbit

    Google finds a lift into space will never get off the ground

    Technology giant’s scientists say there is no material strong enough for a cable from Earth into orbit
    Westminster is awash with tales of young men being sexually harassed - but it's far from being just a problem in politics

    Is sexual harassment a fact of gay life?

    Westminster is awash with tales of young men being sexually harassed - but it's far from being just a problem in politics
    Moshi Monster creator Michael Acton Smith: The man behind a British success story

    Moshi Monster creator Michael Acton Smith

    Acton Smith launched a world of virtual creatures who took the real world by storm
    Kim Jong-un's haircut: The Independent heads to Ealing to try out the dictator's do

    Our journalist tries out Kim Jong-un's haircut

    The North Korean embassy in London complained when M&M Hair Academy used Kim Jong-un's image in the window. Curious, Guy Pewsey heads to the hair salon and surrenders to the clippers
    A History of the First World War in 100 moments: A forgotten naval victory in which even Nature played a part

    A History of the First World War in 100 moments

    A forgotten naval victory in which even Nature played a part
    Vespa rides on with launch of Primavera: Iconic Italian scooter still revving up millions of sales

    Vespa rides on with launch of the Primavera

    The Vespa has been a style icon since the 1950s and the release this month of its latest model confirms it has lost little of its lustre
    Record Store Day: Independent music shops can offer a tempting alternative to downloads

    Record Store Day celebrates independent music shops

    This Saturday sees a host of events around the country to champion the sellers of well-grooved wax
    Taunton's policy of putting philosophy at heart of its curriculum is one of secrets of its success

    Education: Secret of Taunton's success

    Taunton School, in Somerset, is one of the country's leading independent schools, says Richard Garner
    10 best smartphones

    10 best smartphones

    With a number of new smartphones on the market, we round up the best around, including some more established models
    Mickey Arthur: Aussie tells ECB to stick with Ashley Giles

    Mickey Arthur: Aussie tells ECB to stick with Ashley Giles

    The former Australia coach on why England must keep to Plan A, about his shock at their collapse Down Under, why he sent players home from India and the agonies of losing his job
    Homelessness: Why is the supported lodgings lifeline under threat?

    Why is the supported lodgings lifeline under threat?

    Zubairi Sentongo swapped poverty in Uganda for homelessness in Britain. But a YMCA scheme connected him with a couple offering warmth and shelter
    A History of the First World War in 100 Moments: When the world’s biggest shed took over Regent’s Park

    A History of the First World War in 100 Moments

    When the world’s biggest shed took over Regent’s Park
    The pain of IVF

    The pain of IVF

    As an Italian woman vows to keep the babies from someone else’s eggs, Julian Baggini ponders how the reality of childbirth is often messier than the natural ideal