A family affair: My husband wears dresses

Rod and Shirley Harrison married in September 1995. Three months later, at a fancy dress party, Rod went dressed as a woman. This triggered him to come out as a cross-dresser. By April 1996, the couple were going out together as girlfriends. When dressed as a woman, Rod goes by the name of Christine

Rod

The crunch came three months into our marriage. We'd been to a fancy dress party. I went dressed as a woman, who we called Christine, as that's Shirley's middle name. When we came home Shirley told me to change while she got the supper on. I said I didn't want to take the dress off. Shirley wanted to know why I wouldn't take it off and I said I just felt comfortable, it felt right. She asked: "What's going on?" I said: "I don't know."

We were both confused. She cried and I cried. We talked and hugged. Eventually I took off the clothes I'd been wearing, and the wig, put them in a suitcase, locked it and gave Shirley the key. I said: "You've got the key to Christine, it's up to you whether she stays in there or whether you let her out." We went to bed and she said: "Just let me think about it."

A week later it was Christmas. I opened my presents and there was some nice satin underwear and a cocktail dress from Shirley. In another parcel was a little earring presentation box, and inside, the key to the suitcase.

That was the start of my training programme, as I called it. Shirley did a great deal of hard work grooming me until the real image of Christine came out. My youngest stepdaughter, Beverley, who's a beautician, also helped with make-up.

I told people on a need-to-know basis initially. But when I'd had both ears pierced, started having my nails regularly manicured and my eyebrows shaped, and obviously when the beard and the pipe went, people started to notice the changes.

The first time we went out together as two girls was at a Beaumont Society weekend in Colwyn Bay. It was about four months after I came out. I felt very nervous; my confidence was nil. On the Saturday, Shirley went out and for a walk around town and saw a doll's house she wanted to buy. She came back to the hotel and asked for my help in carrying it. I decided to brave it and changed into a dress. We bought the doll's house, and when I got back to the hotel the sweat was just running down my face. I thought: "God I've done it!"

After that weekend, we started going out in the Village in Manchester on Wednesday evenings. I'm far happier now. I hold my head up when I go out. What I've got in my bra or between my legs is my business. I'm Christine and I'm a lady out enjoying myself. It's the best thing I ever did. It's given me a lot of strength and a lot of confidence. I can choose to be Rod, messing around in my workshop, or I can be Christine.

But I've paid quite a high price because I've lost my daughter as a result. She's getting married in July and I'm not invited to the wedding. It hurts. She never fully accepted Shirley as her stepmother, and I think that she was looking for a way not to associate with us. Once Karen found out about my cross-dressing, that was the excuse she needed. She told me she didn't want me turning up at the wedding in a dress. I said I only wanted to be there as her father, in a man's suit and men's shoes, to give her away. She replied by saying that if I would not change my lifestyle, she wanted me out of her life. She gave me an ultimatum; she hurt me very deeply. I don't hate her for it, but I honestly don't think we'll ever reconcile after this.

But for Shirley and I, it made us closer. We've got the social togetherness when we're out as two girls that takes us away from everything. It's a safety-valve and an escape. It has made our marriage stronger than it could ever have been.

Shirley

Before we got married, there was a bit of an inkling that Rod liked ladies' clothes, but I never really thought much of it, just that he liked to try my shoes on.

After the party, when he said he didn't want to get changed, it was weird. It was only three months after we'd got married, and I was worried about rejection. I'd had one super-disastrous marriage, and I thought I'd gone and fallen straight into another one. It obviously crossed my mind to wonder whether he wanted a sex change. And I thought, if I say "yes" to his cross-dressing, what am I saying about my own sexuality?

It was miserable at first. It took about a week before I could say I was OK with it, to reach that decision. But I didn't totally come to terms with things for eight or nine months. Initially, Christine felt like an intruder, as if there were three people in the marriage. I started to think there was no time for me and Rod. It felt like I was losing the man I'd fallen in love with.

When we went to Colwyn Bay, I was terrified, but there was a couple who befriended us. We had our meal with them and when Christine had gone to the loo, the wife said: "Whatever you do, stay in control. And if he's getting out of hand, you slow him down." And it's the one thing that I've always remembered. I have stayed in control. It's more of a compromise now, though. But at first I did have to say, you can't wear a dress every night.

Becoming part of the cross-dressing community has enhanced my social life. I never used to be one for going to pubs or clubs, but now I look forward to going out every week with Christine. Most of the friends I have now are friends from the cross-dressing world. They're much truer than the friends I had before. If they ask you how you are, it's not out of politeness; it's because they want to know.

When we're out as two girls, we're like friends rather than anything else. But as soon as the clothes are off, we have a male-female relationship. I still feel that my husband fancies me. In actual fact, this has probably made our relationship better, because we're a lot closer. At first, when nobody knew, we had a shared secret, which added to the spice of things. The cross-dressing and everything that goes on in the bedroom are kept completely separate, though; we're not into kinky underwear and stuff like that.

We're a lot closer because of all this. It's a bit like the excitement of having an affair, or something. It's put some sparkle there, but it is a different kind of sparkle.

I don't feel jealous of Christine at all now. She is like a sister for me, or a girlfriend. Christine is a different character from Rod, with different personality traits. Christine brings out the more thoughtful and gentle side in my husband. I still feel like I need time with Rod, though.

The Beaumont Society is a self-help group for cross-dressers, transsexuals and their families. Helpline number: 01582 412220

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

film
Arts and Entertainment
The Great British Bake Off contestants line-up behind Sue and Mel in the Bake Off tent

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Mitch Winehouse is releasing a new album

music
Arts and Entertainment

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Beast would strip to his underpants and take to the stage with a slogan scrawled on his bare chest whilst fans shouted “you fat bastard” at him

music
Arts and Entertainment
On set of the Secret Cinema's Back to the Future event

film
Arts and Entertainment
Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman

film
Arts and Entertainment
Pedro Pascal gives a weird look at the camera in the blooper reel

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Public vote: Art Everywhere poster in a bus shelter featuring John Hoyland
art
Arts and Entertainment
Peter Griffin holds forth in The Simpsons Family Guy crossover episode

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Judd Apatow’s make-it-up-as-you-go-along approach is ideal for comedies about stoners and slackers slouching towards adulthood
filmWith comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
Arts and Entertainment
booksForget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks
Arts and Entertainment
Off set: Bab El Hara
tvTV series are being filmed outside the country, but the influence of the regime is still being felt
Arts and Entertainment
Red Bastard: Where self-realisation is delivered through monstrous clowning and audience interaction
comedy
Arts and Entertainment
O'Shaughnessy pictured at the Unicorn Theatre in London
tvFiona O'Shaughnessy explains where she ends and her strange and wonderful character begins
Arts and Entertainment
The new characters were announced yesterday at San Diego Comic Con

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Rhino Doodle by Jim Carter (Downton Abbey)

TV
Arts and Entertainment
No Devotion's Geoff Rickly and Stuart Richardson
musicReview: No Devotion, O2 Academy Islington, London
Arts and Entertainment
Christian Grey cradles Ana in the Fifty Shades of Grey film

film
Arts and Entertainment
Comedian 'Weird Al' Yankovic

Is the comedy album making a comeback?

comedy
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Save the tiger: The day America’s love of backyard tigers led to a horrific bloodbath

    The day America’s love of backyard tigers led to a horrific bloodbath

    With only six per cent of the US population of these amazing big cats held in zoos, the Zanesville incident in 2011 was inevitable
    Samuel Beckett's biographer reveals secrets of the writer's time as a French Resistance spy

    How Samuel Beckett became a French Resistance spy

    As this year's Samuel Beckett festival opens in Enniskillen, James Knowlson, recalls how the Irish writer risked his life for liberty and narrowly escaped capture by the Gestapo
    We will remember them: relatives still honour those who fought in the Great War

    We will remember them

    Relatives still honour those who fought in the Great War
    Star Wars Episode VII is being shot on film - and now Kodak is launching a last-ditch bid to keep celluloid alive

    Kodak's last-ditch bid to keep celluloid alive

    Director J J Abrams and a few digital refuseniks shoot movies on film. Simon Usborne wonders what the fuss is about
    Once stilted and melodramatic, Hollywood is giving acting in video games a makeover

    Acting in video games gets a makeover

    David Crookes meets two of the genre's most popular voices
    Could our smartphones soon be diagnosing diseases via Health Kit and Google Fit?

    Could smartphones soon be diagnosing diseases?

    Health Kit and Google Fit have been described as "the beginning of a health revolution"
    Ryanair has turned on the 'charm offensive' but can we learn to love the cut-price carrier again?

    Can we learn to love Ryanair again?

    Four recent travellers give their verdicts on the carrier's improved customer service
    Billionaire founder of Spanx launches range of jeans that offers

    Spanx launches range of jeans

    The jeans come in two styles, multiple cuts and three washes and will go on sale in the UK in October
    10 best over-ear headphones

    Aural pleasure: 10 best over-ear headphones

    Listen to your favourite tracks with this selection, offering everything from lambskin earmuffs to stainless steel
    Commonwealth Games 2014: David Millar ready to serve up gold for his beloved Scotland in the end

    Commonwealth Games

    David Millar ready to serve up gold for his beloved Scotland in the end
    UCI Mountain Bike World Cup 2014: Downhill all the way to the top for the Atherton siblings

    UCI Mountain Bike World Cup

    Downhill all the way to the top for the Atherton siblings
    Save the tiger: The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

    The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

    The big cats kept in captivity to perform for paying audiences and then, when dead, their bodies used to fortify wine
    A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery all included in top 50 hidden spots in the UK

    A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery

    Introducing the top 50 hidden spots in Britain
    Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

    Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

    How a disease that has claimed fewer than 2,000 victims in its history has earned a place in the darkest corner of the public's imagination
    Chris Pratt: From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

    From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

    He was homeless in Hawaii when he got his big break. Now the comic actor Chris Pratt is Hollywood's new favourite action star