The Saturday miscellany: Dots app; house music; how to fake your own death; instant ethics
The digested fad: Addictive Hirstian app hit
By Will Dean
Dots is the latest iPhone game to catapult its creators into the dog-eat-dog world of overnight success. Let's hope it fares better than Draw Something.
Dots opens with a quote from furniture designer Charles Eames ("eventually everything connects") and wears its arty pretensions on its sleeve looking, as it does, exactly like Damien Hirst's spot paintings. It is essentially, then, Abalone Acetone Powder crossed with Tetris as you join coloured dots at right-angles to make them disappear. It was downloaded a million times in its first week.
Fantastic, save for the fact that after six games it gave me a migraine.
A brief opinion I hold
By Memphis Barker
Like some people don't get art, I don't properly 'get' house music, which is a shame as most of my friends do and so I often end up paying to go to nightclubs I don't particularly like. It's not so much the music itself. It's the dancing.
What's the purpose of a dancefloor? There can only be one answer: shaking booty; zig-zagging; telling strangers the truth with your hips. But what do you see when there's house music playing? Rows and rows of troops standing dead-straight doing an impression of a wind-up mechanical toy (lift left leg; replace. Lift right leg; replace. Pump fist).
If I wanted to dance in the same small square for hours, I'd just go do it in a toilet cubicle. For free.
Memphis Barker is Assistant Editor of Independent Voices
How to: Fake your own death
By Liam O'Brien
Are your family becoming something of a drag? Got a life insurance policy you'd like to cash in on? Faking your own death could be the answer:
1. Your husband's killed your cousin, and now your family is forcing you to marry someone else. Concoct a plan with a friar to knock yourself out with some powerful medication and then escape from your tomb. Be warned: this didn't work so well for Juliet.
2. Timothy Dexter, an 18th-century US businessman, staged his own funeral to see how people would react. He judged his wife's grief to be insufficient and interrupted the ceremony to complain. This option may lead to resentment.
3. In 2002, John Darwin disappeared in a canoeing accident. In fact, his wife drove him to a station where he went into hiding and was later hidden inside their home. A nice idea, but difficult to sustain. Upset their kids, too. They were each jailed for six years for their £250,000 fraud.
By Ellen E Jones
Q. I'm worried my neighbours can hear me having sex through the walls. Should I bring it up?
A. Please don't. Assuming your poor neighbours can hear you, they may interpret any such conversation as you inflicting your sexual exhibitionism on them yet again. Rein it in before you get a sex ASBO.
@MsEllen E Jones
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 The man who filmed the Freddie Gray video has been arrested at gunpoint
- 2 Pub landlord captures moment customer falls over on CCTV – just like Del Boy did on Only Fools and Horses
- 3 Top Gear: Jodie Kidd, Philip Glenister and Guy Martin 'in advanced talks' to join show
- 4 Frankie Boyle on Scottish independence: 'In the Interests of Unity, F**k Off'
- 5 How to gain confidence and maximise your sexual potential
Penny Dreadful, series 2 episode 1, review: We're back alright, but on very familiar ground
Top Gear: Jodie Kidd, Philip Glenister and Guy Martin 'in advanced talks' to join show
Eurovision 2015: What date is the song contest and who are the favourites to win?
Game of Thrones, season 5 episode 4, review: Sansa in danger of becoming another footnote in Westeros' bloody history
Noel Gallagher 'cannot wait' to hear Oasis-inspired One Direction album but rants about 'pointless' Tidal and Spotify
In defence of liberal democracy
The Rothschild Libel: Why has it taken 200 years for an anti-Semitic slur that emerged from the Battle of Waterloo to be dismissed?
General Election 2015: UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power, Labour warns
General election live: SNP suspends two members for disrupting Labour rally
Schools forced to act as 'miniature welfare states' with teachers buying underwear and even haircuts for poor pupils
Andy McSmith's Sketch: Feisty audience is the real star of an enlightening show