The Saturday miscellany: Dots app; house music; how to fake your own death; instant ethics
The digested fad: Addictive Hirstian app hit
By Will Dean
Dots is the latest iPhone game to catapult its creators into the dog-eat-dog world of overnight success. Let's hope it fares better than Draw Something.
Dots opens with a quote from furniture designer Charles Eames ("eventually everything connects") and wears its arty pretensions on its sleeve looking, as it does, exactly like Damien Hirst's spot paintings. It is essentially, then, Abalone Acetone Powder crossed with Tetris as you join coloured dots at right-angles to make them disappear. It was downloaded a million times in its first week.
Fantastic, save for the fact that after six games it gave me a migraine.
A brief opinion I hold
By Memphis Barker
Like some people don't get art, I don't properly 'get' house music, which is a shame as most of my friends do and so I often end up paying to go to nightclubs I don't particularly like. It's not so much the music itself. It's the dancing.
What's the purpose of a dancefloor? There can only be one answer: shaking booty; zig-zagging; telling strangers the truth with your hips. But what do you see when there's house music playing? Rows and rows of troops standing dead-straight doing an impression of a wind-up mechanical toy (lift left leg; replace. Lift right leg; replace. Pump fist).
If I wanted to dance in the same small square for hours, I'd just go do it in a toilet cubicle. For free.
Memphis Barker is Assistant Editor of Independent Voices
How to: Fake your own death
By Liam O'Brien
Are your family becoming something of a drag? Got a life insurance policy you'd like to cash in on? Faking your own death could be the answer:
1. Your husband's killed your cousin, and now your family is forcing you to marry someone else. Concoct a plan with a friar to knock yourself out with some powerful medication and then escape from your tomb. Be warned: this didn't work so well for Juliet.
2. Timothy Dexter, an 18th-century US businessman, staged his own funeral to see how people would react. He judged his wife's grief to be insufficient and interrupted the ceremony to complain. This option may lead to resentment.
3. In 2002, John Darwin disappeared in a canoeing accident. In fact, his wife drove him to a station where he went into hiding and was later hidden inside their home. A nice idea, but difficult to sustain. Upset their kids, too. They were each jailed for six years for their £250,000 fraud.
By Ellen E Jones
Q. I'm worried my neighbours can hear me having sex through the walls. Should I bring it up?
A. Please don't. Assuming your poor neighbours can hear you, they may interpret any such conversation as you inflicting your sexual exhibitionism on them yet again. Rein it in before you get a sex ASBO.
@MsEllen E Jones
TV reviewGrace Dent: Jimmy McGovern's new drama sheds light on sex slavery in the colonies
Eurovision 2015Australian Idol winner unveiled as representative Down Under
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Tourist films plane's descent just metres above packed Caribbean beach
- 2 Kate Moss: Previously unpublished nude photo revealed by Mert and Marcus
- 3 Indian woman creates 'Marriage CV' after parents put her on dating site: 'Definitely not marriage material. Won’t grow long hair, ever'
- 4 World Book Day: Boy 'excluded' from school after dressing up as Fifty Shades' Christian Grey
- 5 Bad Jews poster 'censored' on London Tube
The 9 rules every Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoon had to follow are wonderfully pedantic
Toy Story 4: Pixar promises a romcom storyline 'separate' from the much-loved trilogy
Fifty Shades of Grey movie shows first sex scene 'after 40 minutes'
Bad Jews poster 'censored' on London Tube
World Book Day: Boy 'excluded' from school after dressing up as Fifty Shades' Christian Grey
Nearly 100,000 of Britain's poorest children go hungry after parents' benefits are cut
Durham Free School: 'Creationism taught at' free school facing closure
End of the licence fee: BBC to back radical overhaul of how it is funded
Elif Shafak: Turkish author warns against rise of British nationalism
Most people think legal tax avoidance is just as wrong as illegal tax evasion, poll suggests
Nigel Farage promises Ukip will not 'stigmatise' would-be migrants – and says he wants 'everyone to speak the same language'