The Saturday miscellany: Wedding Photoshop; how to dump someone; can I eat bark?
Larry Ryan is Deputy Editor of The Independent Magazine. He has previously worked on the Home News desk and the website of The Independent and he writes the "Caught in the Net" music column for the paper's arts magazine, Radar.
Saturday 14 September 2013
THE DIGESTED FAD
Wedding Photoshop: Time to zap the bride
By Larry Ryan
Showing up on the usual meme aggregating/generating sites (your Buzzfeeds, your Reddits) of late, have been a series of elaborately staged images: in them, a wedding party – some with just the bride and groom, in others the groomsmen and bridesmaids are in the mix too – run towards the camera screaming in terror; behind them, Photoshopped in, is the reason for the terror. Giving chase is the T-Rex from Jurassic Park, Jaws, a fighter jet from Star Wars or some giant robots all clamouring to kill said wedding party.
It's the latest in a line of complicated photo fads clogging internet listicles. Previously we've seen the likes of 'Hadoukening', in which people simulate a move from the Street Fighter video game, and 'Vadering', involving re-enactments of Darth Vader's signature long-range choke lift.
These wedding snaps seem largely to be emerging from America. In Britain we tend to devote our time to more sacred parts of the wedding experience – booze-based bad dancing – but soon you might see one of these staged photos showing up in your Facebook feed: look out for cousin Jeremy and his new bride Millie in all their finery being chased down by some murderous Daleks.
HOW TO: DUMP SOMEONE
By Liam O'Brien
When breaking up in person is too hard to bear and you're too old for the SMS break-up, you'll need to find a suitable way to end a relationship. Why not try these?
The internet has made everything quicker, including break-ups. Change your Facebook status from 'In a relationship' to 'Single' for a dumping that will be shared with the world. 'It's complicated' might be a better fit if you've cheated.
If that's a bit low-profile, why not let the media know about your relationship woes before everyone else? Minnie Driver found out Matt Damon had dumped her when he appeared on Oprah and told the audience he had no girlfriend. Nice one, Will Hunting.
Write a letter. A brilliant example went viral earlier this year, when a wronged lover checked her boyfriend's Facebook to find… a message from his ex. She later boxed up all of his things and hid them at the places they first met, first kissed, and binned the rest.
CAN I EAT THAT? UNORTHODOX DIGESTION QUERIES ANSWERED
This week: bark
By Simon Usborne
Sure, it tastes a bit like Twiglets. Not really. But bark from some trees can be surprisingly nutritious. Our go-to weird-food expert, the forager Fergus Drennan, says he heard of an American who made bark doughnuts. But, he adds: "powder anything and add enough sugar and it'll be edible".
That said, bark was a staple for tribes all over the place way before humans developed such a sweet tooth. The Scandis used added ground bark to rye flour to make bark bread. The Sami people in the same region stripped whole sheets of bark from trees to eat fresh or roasted.
Ever been to the Adirondacks in upstate New York? The national park and mountains were named after the tribe of the same name, which means 'bark eater'.
But before you go mad in your local park, bear in mind that bark harvesting can be harmful to living trees, and most bark ain't very nice. Stick to pines, if you must – or crisps.
By Ellen E Jones
Q. My colleague and I keep turning up in the same shirt. How should we proceed?
A. This is how the fashion gods tell you it's time to subtly update the look. You get the jazzy lapel pins and he can have the elegant cravats. An accessorising challenge, to be sure, but it beats getting mistaken for the in-house boy band.
@MsEllen E Jones
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