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Revival of the week

Julian Clary, famous for his frightening innuendo about Norman Lamont's bottom, is to present a revamped version of the Seventies Mr & Mrs TV show. Older readers will remember Border Television's contribution to the ITV network, made in Carlisle (and it showed), hosted by the crimp- haired Derek Batey. Couples would be separated and quizzed individually about their partner's quirks and habits. One wonders how the most famous Mr & Mrs of the past week, the Cooks, might fare.

Julian would invite Robin to "enter my soundproofed box" and then proceed to ask Margaret some questions. After some queries about finding Robin flat out on the dining-room floor with a brandy bottle, the final, tough, win-a-Metro riddle might run as follows: "Margaret. Slight, delicate Margaret. You discover that your husband of 29 years, Robin, has been having an affair with his secretary, Gaynor. What do you think your reaction would be? Would you:

(a) Laugh it off, or

(b) Keep quiet in return for his half of the house, or

(c) Write a book that will finish off his political career and then run off with a tour guide from Ecuador?"

Be nice to each other.

Hippo of the week

A biological treasure. This baby pygmy hippopotamus (also known as Choeropsis liberiensis) went on show for the first time this week at her home, Whipsnade Zoo in Bedfordshire. The zoo hopes that the calf will join a Europe-wide breeding programme.

Blairite target voter

of the week

Woking Man, apparently a southern voter with middle-class aspirations. He was begotten by Mondeo Man, begotten by Sierra Man, son of Worcester Woman, only begotten daughter of Basildon Man, brother of Billericay Man and the missing link with Grantham Woman.

Soundbite of the week

It's not all Middle England for Tony. He's been on about the Welsh Assembly. "They're going to have a pounds 7bn budget. In anybody's language, that's pretty big potatoes". Or "tatws go fawr", as they say in Wales.

Image of the week

William Hague and Ann Widdecombe practising surgery. Don't trust anyone who wears teardrop shaped photochromatic specs in 1999.