A parody on EL James’ “mummy porn” trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey has just been published by a real-life Mr Grey, Colin Trevor Grey. Fifty Sheds of Grey started life as a rather adventurous Twitter feed (@50ShedsofGrey), billing itself as erotica for the not-too-modern (or faint-hearted) male - and attracting 90,000 of them, followers I mean.
Some of Mr Grey’s funniest snippets of shed porn have now been turned into a tasteful looking, if tasteless, coffee table book. Whether you embraced the Fifty Shades phenomenon or railed against its unwholesome effects, prepare to meet a new challenger to the crown. From the depths of the media storm, a man with quite different tastes has emerged.
Here Colin Trevor Grey tells Independent.co.uk rather more than it wishes to know about his wife’s bathing habits:
How did you first discover Fifty Shades of Grey?
I came home one day from work to find my wife reading 'that book' in the bath surrounded by scented candles and listening to soft jazz. My suspicions were immediately aroused as I didn't think we had any soft jazz.
Have you read them? What do you think?
I haven't had the opportunity to read it yet. The nearest I've got is the occasional waft of sandalwood and Kenny G from beneath the bathroom door. I did see a brief extract in a newspaper but I can't say I understood it. It kept going on about inner goddesses - is it some kind of religious book?
Can we draw comparisons between yourself and EL James' handsome protagonist Christian Grey?
From what I hear, we're very similar, apart from the dashing good looks, the enormous fortune and the helicopter. We both have grey eyes, for example. Or eye, in my case.
Is your surname really Grey?
Of course it is. Grey by nature, grey by name, as I'm always telling the other members of the BDSM community (Builders, Decorators and Shed Maintenance).
Do you get shed fanmail?
I wouldn't know. Once my wife's finished with the postman, it's very difficult to read anything. Apparently some young actor called Robert Pattinson said my book was amazing but I'm afraid I don't know who he is. I don't remember seeing him in Coronation Street, at least.
What was the sexiest shed you’ve ever seen?
The first shed I ever bought was probably my favourite. You know what they say - you never forget your first shed.
What does your wife think of the shed fetish?
My wife doesn't really understand my passion for sheds but then I don't understand her passion for whips, nipple clamps and tying me to my workbench with the washing line and inflicting tremendous pain on my lower regions. Each to their own, I suppose.
Click here or on "View Image" for extracts from the book Warning! Contains sexually suggestive content
Fifty Sheds of Grey: A Parody, Published by Boxtree in hardback, £9.99; ebook 99pReuse content