ORION £9.99 £9.99 P&P FREE) 08700 798 897

Mrs Zhivago of Queen's Park by Olivia Lichtenstein

A recipe for disaster - and humble pie

There are several reasons for taking a lover. If you're in your forties and a little overweight it's a valuable way of shaping up (for everyone knows that regular illicit dalliance makes the pounds simply fall away). If it's 245 days since you last had sex with your husband it might well be a human rights issue. And then, if an absurdly seductive Russian lights upon you and starts wooing you with elaborate and exuberant compliments, sometimes courtesy of Pushkin - well, you'd be mad to resist.

Thus reasons Chloe Zhivago, psychotherapist, mother of two, an apparently contented and successful woman. Until recently, her life has followed the broad and primrosy path towards happily ever after. But, as she remarks, there comes a time when a man can look at a woman without seeing her, and a woman can look at a man and see straight through him. At this moment her story begins... and off it goes with a bang. She decides to grasp her hunk of an opportunity with everything she's got (once she's had it all exfoliated, mown, polished, and generally tidied up). Her mobile phone becomes red-hot with titillating textual intercourse, a rendezvous is arranged and the grande affaire with Ivan, pronounced Eevahn, begins.

Olivia Lichtenstein's first novel is full to bursting with good things. Parodying a prevalent practice, she often opens a chapter with a recipe. One or two sound seriously delicious: others are more sinister - recipes for trouble, for adultery, for humble pie. Chloe's outrageously idle Famous Friend offers one for a dinner party: "Buy nuts and olives. Open and pour into bowls. Chill wine. Tell guests to prepare and bring the other courses." As for Chloe herself, she may fudge the issue of fidelity, but she knows the golden rules of contemporary womanhood - that no one should stand in the way of a child who voluntarily eats fresh fruit and/or vegetables, and that you'll burn in hell if you fail to remove your make-up at night.

Lichtenstein's writing is succinct, witty and often funny enough to make you hoot unbecomingly on public transport. Some characters - particularly Chloe's father and her children - are carefully cross-hatched in fine and touching detail; others are drawn in broadly comic charcoal. Amongst these are Bea, the warrior lesbian au pair; Janet, the anxious and anorexic cat; Ruthie, the worldly best friend who can't quite quit the coke habit, and Edie, the mother-in-law not from Hell but from an Irish Methodist family, who eschews all drink save Bailey's, which she considers non-alcoholic and consumes by the crateful.

Chloe's husband Greg is the best character. He's a handsome, hypochondriac GP who hates ill people, is too vain to wear glasses and is locked in mortal combat with traffic wardens. Terrified of early-onset Alzheimer's, he hides everyday objects in ludicrous places to challenge his memory, and his family's patience. He is comically and of course transparently himself, and as such is ultimately irresistible. The craggy cardboard Ivan proves no match for the unlikely hero of this accomplished, enjoyable and surprisingly moral fable.

Independent Comment
blog comments powered by Disqus
Career Services

Day In a Page

How an abortion divided America

How an abortion divided America

Single mother who took a pill to end her pregnancy is now fighting a landmark prosecution in a conservative state
Can you master a language in a weekend?

Can you master a language in a weekend?

Ed Cooke insists he can use his techniques as a memory expert to help novices learn even the hardest tongues.
The 10 best heaters

The 10 best heaters

From the DeLonghi Retro Fan Heater to the Dimplex MicroFire
Coming soon to a shelf near you: The publishing industry has gone mad for film-style trailers

Coming soon to a shelf near you

The publishing industry has gone mad for film-style trailers
Mad, bad and delightful to know: How Lord Byron became a cultural superstar

How Lord Byron became a cultural superstar

As the poet takes centre stage in the West End, Boyd Tonkin looks into the life of the outspoken champion of the poor
Did they all live happily ever after? That's up to you...

Did they all live happily ever after? That's up to you...

New digital novel will overturn centuries of literary tradition by allowing readers to choose how they would like story to end
How to look good for less – Primark in copycat row

How to look good for less – Primark in copycat row

With London Fashion Week starting tomorrow, designers are closeted in studios putting finishing touches to their collections
James Lawton: Arsène and Arsenal are living in the past

James Lawton

Arsène and Arsenal are living in the past
How Docherty's resurgent Reds beat Dutch greats

How Docherty's resurgent Reds beat Dutch greats

United have met Ajax only once before in Europe, in 1976. The key performers recall an electric occasion
Civil war at Ajax

Civil war at Ajax

A rift between two club legends has torn the Dutch giants apart
Lewis Moody: For an idea of where England are headed, look at Wales now

Lewis Moody column

For an idea of where England are headed, look at Wales now
Geoff Toovey: Little gem with huge incentive to become king of the world

Geoff Toovey interview

Little gem with huge incentive to become king of the world
Picture preview: Portrait of London

Portrait of London

Picture preview
No secularism please, we're British

No secularism please, we're British

Arguments about the role of religion in national life have recently acquired a new urgency
Harold Tillman: 'Chinese tourists can save the high street – if we let them'

Harold Tillman interview

'Chinese tourists can save the high street – if we let them'