Virago £8.99 (320pp). £8.54 from the Independent Bookshop: 08430 600 030

The Long Goodbye, By Meghan O'Rourke

When her mother died from cancer at the age of 53, American poet Meghan O'Rourke found that nothing prepared her for the intensity of her grief. Waking up in a world without her mother she says was "like waking up in a world without sky: unimaginable." O'Rourke's unsparing chronicle of her mother's death explains how it felt to travel from a place of safety to a more desolate shore.

On learning of her mother's diagnosis – she was in the final stage of colorectal cancer – O'Rourke threw herself into a frenzy of displacement activity. She quit her job, married her long-term boyfriend, left him a few months later and had an affair. She accompanied her mother to oncologist appointments, researched websites for miracle cures and rowed with her father over a car. Knowing time was limited didn't make her behave any better as a person or a daughter: "You cannot make it holy just because it is disappearing."

Interwoven into the narrative are flashbacks to the author's girlhood and memories of her mother as a young woman. Her most cherished scenes come from family summers in Vermont – catching fireflies with her brothers and belly-flopping into a lake to a round of maternal applause. We learn how the youthful Barbara came to marry her classics teacher, Meghan's bookish father, and then went on to teach alongside him at the same Brooklyn high school. She was a vivacious woman who loved driving fast cars and drinking in the hot tub with her sisters.

Not just a homily on what it is to lose a parent, O'Rourke's memoir looks at the flimsy comforts handed out to modern mourners. She recalls how after her mother's death acquaintances tried to chivvy her out of her despair, but says she came to envy her Jewish friends the practice of saying Kaddish. Nothing had prepared her for the finality of her mother's absence, and the lack of ritual surrounding her departure. She took to reading Freud and Shakespeare to get to grips with the grim finality of non-existence.

O'Rourke's greatest solace rested with her mother herself – the "shell in which you divide and become a life." During Barbara's last days, Meghan describes how she started to weep inconsolably and tell her mother how much she would miss her. Instead of telling her not to worry, her mother simply replied: "I know." A hard-hitting and tender account of a drama that is as challenging as it is commonplace.

Independent Comment
blog comments powered by Disqus
News in pictures
World news in pictures
Arts & Ents blogs

Owen Howells: From the UK to Australia and back again (and again!)

Owen Howells is a DJ/producer who grew up in Australia but was born in the UK. He came back to the U...

Brighton Fringe 2013 – Is everyone sitting uncomfortably?

Fancy seeing a play about serial killers? How about inviting a funeral director into your home for a...

The Fall ‘Darkness Visible’ – Series 1, episode 2

There are a good many moments in the second episode of this psychological thriller that deserve refl...

       

ES Rentals

    James Pembroke: The man who's eaten everywhere

    The man who's eaten everywhere

    Few people know more about restaurants than James Pembroke, who only spent five mealtimes at home during his entire childhood.
    A Berliner in 1963 – but did John F Kennedy once admire Adolf Hitler?

    A Berliner in 1963 – but did John F Kennedy once admire Adolf Hitler?

    The young JFK praised 'superior' Nordic races during visits to Germany
    Banned Iranian director Mohammad Rasoulof to attend Cannes Film Festival 2013, his first public appearance since prison

    Banned Iranian director to attend Cannes Film Festival

    Mohammad Rasoulof to make his first public appearance since being imprisoned three years ago
    Seeing the larger picture: Inspiring images of space

    Seeing the larger picture: Inspiring images of space

    An exhibition explores images how photography has shaped astronomy
    Eat Spam and carry on: Wartime pamphlets could teach us a thing or two about healthy, thrifty eating

    Eat Spam and carry on

    Wartime pamphlets could teach us a thing or two about healthy, thrifty eating
    Facial hair: Cat beards and the purrrsuit of excellence

    Facial hair

    Cat beards and the purrrsuit of excellence
    The 10 Best salt and pepper sets

    The 10 Best salt and pepper sets

    Whether they're for everyday use or to make your dining table look just right, it's worth getting a stylish shaker...
    Ferran Soriano: Predicting success if Manchester City 'vision' is followed

    Ferran Soriano: Predicting success if Manchester City 'vision' is followed

    Chief executive says trophies will come if a 'core' of suitable players is in place
    Thomas Müller: We couldn't handle losing a Champions League Final again

    Thomas Müller: We couldn't handle losing a Champions League Final again

    The Bayern Munich forward tells Tim Rich his side have to shed chokers' tag after two recent final defeats
    Giro d'Italia: The Stelvio Pass - cycling's killer climb

    The Stelvio Pass - cycling's killer climb

    As the Giro d'Italia tackles the brutal climb, Simon Usborne takes on the snow and switchbacks – and soon realises what the fuss is about
    National archives: Edward VIII’s phone calls - and how MI5 bugged them

    Edward VIII’s phone calls - and how MI5 bugged them

    Newly unearthed papers reveal a shocking extra dimension to the constitutional crisis over monarch’s abdication
    Sent down at the Old Bailey: A tour of the world's most famous court

    Sent down at the Old Bailey

    A tour of the world's most famous court
    Hollywood's random acts of red-carpet kindness

    Hollywood's random acts of red-carpet kindness

    The Hangover actor Zach Galifianakis’s date for his movie premieres isn’t arm candy  – it’s his 87-year-old friend who he saved from homelessness
    British football scores an own goal

    British football scores an own goal

    Many managers barely survive a year in post. Martin Baker talks to experts who make a case for clubs using forensic business skills to find the best staff
    James Lawton: Sergio Garcia cracks as major fault line opens up again

    James Lawton

    Sergio Garcia cracks as major fault line opens up again