Sex without boobs

BREAKING HEARTS by Simon Gray Faber pounds 5.99

This is a story which thrives on oddness. A London University lecturer, full of self-hatred, with a puffy face, a wart under her nose and a boil on her bottom, has an Australian niece to stay for a month. Nothing wrong with that, but the lecturer is an amnesiac, a lonely alcoholic and, as far as one can tell, a pervy fantasist obsessed with bosoms and bondage. She doesn't actually do anything to her niece apart from burst in (by mistake-on-purpose) when the young Aussie is having her bath. On the old bird's desk sits a sinister document, a diary whose title page sports the dedication: "For Dr Helena Twiscombe, PhD, from a grateful student. In Memoriam."

Simon Gray's very short novel - or is it quite a long short story? - whichever - contains a tale within a tale. The outer crust is all about Helena Twiscombe, her visits to AA, her grindingly low opinion of herself, her smothering relationship with her niece, and her inability to do her job properly - she is eventually sacked for failing to turn up to tutorials. The middle section, the inner story as it were, is a reading of the diary, which purports to be the work of one of her brightest students describing, in careful detail, the seduction of Ms Twiscombe's niece at a flat on the Embankment.

Writing sex scenes is never an easy task. Literary Review magazine offers an annual award to the novelist whose fictional account of a sexual act is judged to be the most cringeingly and irredeemably awful to be published that year. The great skill in sex fiction is surely to avoid authorial sweatiness (we don't want to think the writer is "getting off" on it). That's one part of the job, but a good description also needs to be constructed and inserted with enough artistry to enthral even its most cynical reader. I would be most surprised if Simon Gray is even nominated for this year's Bad Sex Award. His long and graphic account of a lesbian bondage game, the heart, if you like, of the whole story, adroitly avoids making a fool of its author. He sets up skittles, not to show them off but to knock them for six. If Mrs Twiscombe describes the whole thing as "filth - aggressively pornographic" she is wrong. Simon Gray is far too smart to make a fool of himself here. If he is tempted to describe a black ribbon as a dark stream that "trailed indolently between the two curving hills," he is also the first to spot the absurdity of it all and to redefine the image as "the ribbon which hung between her boobs (that's more like it - boobs not hills, ribbon not steam)." Even that leaves him uncomfortable and he tries to compromise with "hillocks", but that won't do either: "boobs, tits, Bristols, hillocks, titty-pops, Sissy-pops, who cares? As long as they're not Twisky-pops!"

Breaking Hearts is a brilliant, stylish little work - a tour de force that gallops along hardly stopping for breath; ingeniously constructed in the best tradition of English tragic satire, moving, funny, sexy and beguiling - the sort of book you could happily read two or three times and still be keen for another shot.

Arts and Entertainment
Ellie Levenson’s The Election book demystifies politics for children
bookNew children's book primes the next generation for politics
Arts and Entertainment
Pharrell Williams' “Happy” was the most searched-for song lyric of 2014
musicThe power of song never greater, according to our internet searches
Arts and Entertainment
Roffey says: 'All of us carry shame and taboo around about our sexuality. But I was determined not to let shame stop me writing my memoir.'
books
Arts and Entertainment
Call The Midwife: Miranda Hart as Chummy

tv Review: Miranda Hart and co deliver the festive goods

Arts and Entertainment
The cast of Downton Abbey in the 2014 Christmas special

tvReview: Older generation get hot under the collar this Christmas

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Transformers: Age of Extinction was the most searched for movie in the UK in 2014

film
Arts and Entertainment
Mark Ronson has had two UK number two singles but never a number one...yet

music
Arts and Entertainment
Clara Amfo will take over from Jameela Jamil on 25 January

radio
Arts and Entertainment
This is New England: Ken Cheeseman, Ann Dowd, Frances McDormand and Richard Jenkins in Olive Kitteridge

The most magnificently miserable show on television in a long timeTV
Arts and Entertainment
Andrea Faustini looks triumphant after hearing he has not made it through to Sunday's live final

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Rhys says: 'I'm not playing it for laughs, but I have learnt that if you fall over on stage, people can enjoy that as much as an amazing guitar solo'
musicGruff Rhys on his rock odyssey, and the trouble with independence
Arts and Entertainment
Krysia and Daniel (Hand out press photograph provided by Sally Richardson)
How do today's composers answer the challenge of the classical giant?
News
Shenaz Treasurywala
film
News
tv
Arts and Entertainment
Jason Watkins as Christopher Jefferies
tv
Arts and Entertainment
Star Wars Director JJ Abrams: key character's names have been revealed
film
Arts and Entertainment
Pharrell Williams won two BBC Music Awards for Best Song and International Artist
music
Arts and Entertainment
Mark, Katie and Sanjay in The Apprentice boardroom
TV
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

    A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

    Who remembers that this week we enter the 150th anniversary year of the end of the American Civil War, asks Robert Fisk
    Homeless Veterans appeal: Former soldiers pay their respects to a friend who also served

    Homeless Veterans appeal

    Former soldiers pay their respects to a friend who also served
    Downfall of Dustin 'Screech' Diamond, the 'Saved By The Bell' star charged with bar stabbing

    Scarred by the bell

    The downfall of the TV star charged with bar stabbing
    Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

    Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

    Security breaches and overhyped start-ups dominated a year in which very little changed (save the size of your phone)
    Cuba's golf revolution: But will the revolutionary nation take 'bourgeois' game to its heart?

    Will revolutionary Cuba take 'bourgeois' golf to its heart?

    Fidel Castro ridiculed the game – but now investment in leisure resort projects is welcome
    The Locked Room Mysteries: As a new collection of the genre’s best is published, its editor Otto Penzler explains the rules of engagement

    The Locked Room Mysteries

    As a new collection of the genre’s best is published, its editor explains the rules of engagement
    Amy Adams on playing painter Margaret Keane in Tim Burton's Big Eyes

    How I made myself Keane

    Amy Adams hadn’t wanted to take the role of artist Margaret Keane, because she’d had enough of playing victims. But then she had a daughter, and saw the painter in a new light
    Ed Richards: Parting view of Ofcom chief. . . we hate jokes on the disabled

    Parting view of Ofcom chief... we hate jokes on the disabled

    Bad language once got TV viewers irate, inciting calls to broadcasting switchboards. But now there is a worse offender, says retiring head of the media watchdog, Ed Richards
    A look back at fashion in 2014: Wear in review

    Wear in review

    A look back at fashion in 2014
    Ian Herbert: My 10 hopes for sport in 2015. Might just one of them happen?

    Ian Herbert: My 10 hopes for sport in 2015

    Might just one of them happen?
    War with Isis: The West needs more than a White Knight

    The West needs more than a White Knight

    Despite billions spent on weapons, the US has not been able to counter Isis's gruesome tactics, says Patrick Cockburn
    Return to Helmand: Private Davey Graham recalls the day he was shot by the Taliban

    'The day I was shot by the Taliban'

    Private Davey Graham was shot five times during an ambush in 2007 - it was the first, controversial photograph to show the dangers our soldiers faced in Helmand province
    Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

    Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

    Many flyers are failing to claim compensation to which they are entitled, a new survey has found
    The stories that defined 2014: From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions

    The stories that defined 2014

    From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions
    Stoke-on-Trent becomes first British city to be classified as 'disaster resilient' by the United Nations

    Disaster looming? Now you know where to head...

    Which British city has become the first to be awarded special 'resilience' status by the UN?