Coales' Notes: Visions and revisions: Gordon Coales on a week of troublesome titles and dodgy sexual encounters at the Wormwood Arts Centre

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MONDAY: Fiona has now thoroughly muddied the pool. She has passed on Alan's remarks about them to everyone in the Centre. Result: there is no one willing to assist Alan with the organisation of his residency-exhibition while I am away.

Things to be done by Friday:

Find a minder for Alan.

Devise a title for his show (plus press release).

Ring Terry (re the possibility of some last minute business sponsorship).

Work out an itinerary (with Rowena).

TUESDAY: Alan seems finally to have plans. 'Definitely a video installation of some sort' - but no ideas for a name, which like many artists he considers an irrelevance. I asked Cathy to think up a few titles that could be applicable to almost any visual art exhibition. She agreed very grudgingly to do this.

WEDNESDAY: Cathy came in, still bolshy, with her list of all- purpose titles. 'Ablution', 'Alluvium', 'Ampersand', 'Artery', 'Axis'. Each is just about plausible I suppose, but they did smell of a very brisk dip into the dictionary. I mentioned this to her, and she said: 'Well - A for Alan? And I meant to put in 'Afterbirth' too.'

On reflection, I have decided to call the show 'Vision on'. I thought I had better write out a press release myself. I have given it to Cathy with strict instructions that it should not be sabotaged.

I made a final plea to Fiona. Could she not bury her differences with Alan, just for the purposes of his show? She said it was absolutely out of the question. All her energies were devoted to the Festival of Gender and Identity. The 'Induction Seminar' would be taking place on Friday. I am getting a little desperate.

THURSDAY: Meeting with Terry. He brought with him our local pornographer, Mr Pullet of Lovestyle Enterprises, who once sent me some of his revolting videos. Fortunately he did not stay long. I told Terry that I would like to avoid accepting sponsorship from that quarter, if it was at all possible. Terry said: 'Oh, he's very keen to get legit you know.'

Terry then asked if he could possibly have the use of my office while I was away, as he didn't want to be too near his own phone in the immediate future. I have learnt not to ask too many questions about his other jobs; as part-time Development Officers go, he does have occasional bursts of efficiency. But I made him a proposition. He could use the office if, in exchange, he would look after Alan, purchase whatever might be needed for the show, and try to get us cheap rates by offering the firms in question a conspicuous mention. He said: 'So I get to work with a real artist.'

I refrained from comment. I later introduced him to Alan, who seemed glad to have another friend in the building. This ties things up rather neatly.

FRIDAY: I actually found I had very little to do today. Active preparations in the Centre for the G&I Festival, including posters for tonight's seminar - 'Re/g(u)arding the Body' - with a string of academics specialising in the Representation of Gender and the Gender of Representation and whatnot.

I noticed the seedy Mr Pullet hanging around the building again, but managed to avoid contact. The last time I spotted him was in the foyer this evening. There was also an academic sort of person waiting there, looking rather lost. After a while he caught Pullet's eye, and went over to him. I heard this exchange:

The Academic: 'Hi. David Kirby. Sussex University. Pornography and Sexuality.'

Pullet: 'Desmond Pullet. Well, small world]' (Shaking the boffin's hand warmly) 'So tell me David - d'you find there's much of a market in the universities?'

Unfortunately I had to come home to pack.

Ah well. Edinburgh ho.

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