Tuesday 16 February 1999
Nottinghamians suggest: Personal-space-preserver in rush-hour crush; hang on phone wires as weather vanes; stuff down chimneys, handle protruding, as barn owl perches (Ms C Penn). Drop-in centre for spiders, garden cloche to force rhubarb, campfire multiple muffin-toaster (Eric Dunkley). Post- Goose-Fair litter spike, lace loom, wind-assisted Raleigh bicycle wheel, (Clair Hubble). Saturday Fight and Sunday Mourning (Ellen Sally Doe). Arrows for The Rainbow (Dee Ayshe Lorentz).
Line with pubic hair to make symbolic love nest (Jane Reeves); place on cranium, be a Teletubby (Len Clarke); as preventive collar to treat chronic nose-pickers (Bill Palmer). Monty Pylon in Lilliput, badminton shuttlecock in Brobdingnag, runner-bean frame in Hanging Gardens of Babylon (Annie Bissett). Wind-generators in millennial collapse of public services (Pat Gould). To protect ozone layer from CFC (Susan Tomes).
Transport to and from MaryPoppinsLand, cf Amsterdam's white bicycle scheme (Tony McCoy O'Grady). Wendy wigwam, garden clothes-drier, abacus for base- 8 maths (Bruce Birchall), bird bath, waterproof poncho, transportable New Age font (James A Kelly). Junior crop-circle-maker, novelty lampshade, make join-the-dot puzzles (Simon Daniels); waterproof covers for traffic cones, brushes for chimney sweeps, parachutes for Kamikaze pilots, (Colin O'Hare).
Prop for Singin' in the Rain, starring Yllek Eneg (Colin Archer) As an Etuhcarap, to ferry passengers to hovering aircraft; for inverted snobs; accessory for Worzel Gummidge's summer outfit; vessel for Edward Lear's Jumblies (Mike Gifford). To hide a streaker's naughty bits, catch Pennies from Heaven (Andrew Duncan). Integrated float and hook for pike- and shark- fishing (Xavier Sunnov). To trap an escaped budgerigar (Harry Karstens). Art gallery exhibit to win Turner Prize (Paul Turner).
Messrs Daniels, O'Hare, Palmer and Sunnov win Chambers Dictionary of Quotations. Your next challenge: new acronyms for old, thus BBC = Bland, Boring, Cosy. Write to Creativity, Features, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL; e-mail to Loki.Valhalla@btinternet.com by 25 February. Three prizes of Chambers (one for suggesting the challenge) tba on 2 March. Next week: apt punishments for perpetrators of unwanted inventions.
Potter's attempt to create an Essex Taj Mahal was a lovely treattv
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Crystal meth addict 'gouged out his eyes and ate them' while high on drug, Australian MP claims
- 2 Saudi Arabia 'seeking to head United Nations Human Rights Council'
- 3 Group of students refused entry to Leicester nightclub 'because they are black'
- 4 Irish people are travelling home from all over the world so they can vote to legalise gay marriage
- 5 Arsenal fan asks the Queen for tickets to the FA Cup final - gets a reply from Buckingham Palace
Cannes Film Festival rejects women from red-carpet screening of pro-LGBT romance 'Carol' for not wearing high heels
'We didn't really think we'd get away with it': The astonishing story of how two young Irish men completed an audacious £7m art heist
Game of Thrones rape scene criticised as 'disgusting' by US senator Claire McCaskill who says she's 'done' with show
Beyonce angers fans by pouring expensive champagne into hot tub in Nicki Minaj 'Feeling Myself' video
Eurovision 2015: Armenia's Genealogy forced to change song title in wake of 'too political' Armenian Genocide claims
As a white man, I'm surprised more women aren't tweeting the hashtag #KillAllWhiteMen
Scotland may have to leave the EU even if it votes to stay in, David Cameron confirms
Report finds that Britain's wages are the most unequal in Europe
Almost a third of school pupils believe 'Muslims are taking over our country', study claims
The day that Britain resigned as a global power
Gay marriage 'Bert and Ernie' cake bakery found guilty of discrimination in Northern Ireland