Dyslexia in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (Derek Holmes). Munchausen's syndrome in Fakenham (Colin Standfield). Pneumoconiosis in Collier's End (H.J. Hardy). Spinal injuries in the Outback (Luela Palmer). Food poisoning in Selby (Elizabeth Quentin). Hot flushes in Honolooloo (Carole Hawkins). Psittacosis (parrot sickness) in Bayern Munich (Colin Archer).
Would you be incontinent anywhere on earth where lava erupted, forming a new crust? (Nigel Smith). On the NHS waiting list in Kew? (Mary Brooker). A cannibal in Kineton? (Tony O'Grady). Get shingles on Brighton Beach? (Eric Dunkley), a painful fracture in Cracow? (Susan Tomes), schizophrenia in Split? (Tim Stone), bilious in Vilnius? (John Pickin), rigor in Riga? (Paul Turner), gigantism in Tallinn? (Annie Bissett).
Stigmata in Las Palmas (Tony Harper). Respiratory Complaints on Puffin Island (Alan Russell). Loss of vascular motor control in Reading (Alison Mace). Laryngitis in Mumbles (Shirley Edmundson). Burns in Burnley (R.J. Pickles). Beri-Beri in Bury (the Moore family). Hypothermia in Iceland (John Morton). Anger in Ireland (Len Clarke). Anorexia in Hungerford (Janice Pryke). Anorexia in Nuneaton (Alan Brooker). Bulimia in Exeter (John O'Byrne), or Bulawayo (Clair Hubble).
Political burn-out in the Caucasus (James A. Kelly). STDs from any callbox (Jo Letchford). Gout in Portsmouth (Ralph Leighton). Erectile failure in Southampton (Andrew Duncan). Priapism in Penistone (Nicholas E. Gough). Chickenpox in Kiev (C. Martin). Lumbago in Tobago (Matthew White). Adenoids in Aden (Colin O'Hare). Rabies in Barking (Sue Johnson). Legs get amputated in Hackney (Eric Bridgstock). Deafness in ALLOA! (Ian Hurdley). Feeling washed out in Puddletown (Anthea Rowe). Permanent Vegetative State in Sweden (Peter Thomas).
Albinism in Whitehaven (Dave Williams). Nasty surprises in Malibu (Petra Hollis). Diabetes in Sucre (Bolivia) (Ella O'Key). Deadly sweet siren songs in Mandalay (Tom Carson). Simpsons mania in the capital of Tasmania (Andy Machin). Gangrene in the Ganges (Fiona Earle). Ulcers in Pulsars (John Earle). The Black Death in black holes (Mick Brown). Galumphing in the Galaxy (Carol Lewis).
Tony Harper, Elizabeth Quentin and Colin Standfield win a Chambers Dictionary of Quotations. In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy the answer to "What is The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything?" is said by a computer to be 42. But it didn't say why. Can you? Suggestions to: Loki.Valhalla@btinternet.com or Creativity, Features, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, London E14 5DL by 17 June. Results and three more Chambers on 22 June. Next week: improbable product endorsements, e.g. the Pope: Viagra.