Creativity

COULD ONE ginger things up by asking an ex-Spice Girl whether she prefers cumin with Rosemary or Basil? Would all the Spice Girls be fun to cinnamong? Tristan York is intrigued by both these questions, though neither solves the problem of what to do with an ex-Spice Girl.

The most popular suggestions were teaming up with an old pop group called "Salt 'n' Pepper" and appearing in adverts for Old Spice. Mike Gifford, however, suggests that she should team up with the Tottenham supremo to form a new partnership: "Sugar and Spice".

Ann Furze suggests a job on the bacon counter of a supermarket, on the grounds that "Spice Girl" is an anagram of "Pig-slicer". Nicholas E Gough thinks she has a chance of becoming a dictator, on the grounds that "Geri Halliwell" is an anagram of "A Girl we'll heil".

Steve Prowse suggests that a Spice Girl might get a job as proof-reader in an M&M factory, though he fears she could be fired for throwing out the Ws. Norman Foster wants to throw her, along with Jasper Carrot, Mr Bean, Michael Fish, Helmut Kohl and Popeye's Olive Oyl into a Pol Pot to make a Chinese one-spice stir-fry.

Bert Marks set his answer to a well-known tune:

What shall we do with a ginger Spice Girl (repeated twice)

Now she's left the others?

Send her off with Gazza to find Lord Lucan (repeated twice)

Then she'll no more bother us.

More suggestions in brief: "Geri should change her surname to `Hattrick' to bring new hope to the over-sixties" (Len Clarke); "Send them into Outer Spice" (Alistair Walker); "How to make use of an ex-Spice Girl? Evans only knows." (Frank Middlemass). "She could become a Geri-builder" (R Whiteley); "Put her on the rack" (Robbie Jones); "Send her up to the Mir spice station (Peter Thomas).

Sian Cole has firm ideas on what Spice Girls are good for. As Magy Higgs writes:

Like fingers, Spice Girls come in fives

(Let Sian Cole not start smirking)

Without a single one, their lives

Will very soon stop working.

Several verses later, she concludes:

The group will fold; they're far too old

A thrill to be reborn

So give the ex a cheer (or six)

She's done us a good turn.

Geoffrey Langley draws our attention to Wren's memorial inscription: Si monumentum requiris, circumspice" and therefore recommends that she be enlisted as a singing guide round St Paul's Cathedral: Circum-Spice.

Bruce Birchall looks forward to Geri Halliwell forming a group with veteran stars such as Bob Dylan on Zimmer frame and the Commodores on commodes, to be called "Geri and the Pacemakers". He also suggests that she should settle down, marry a top civil servant and change her name to Geri Mandarin, or team up with Tom Hanks as either Ginger Tom or Tom and Geri.

Nigel Plevin says "She may need thyme to get back to her spice routes" but he thinks she could end up as ambassador to Chilli.

Chambers Dictionary awards to Geoffrey Langley, Norman Foster, and Tristan York.

Next week, we'll be doing exciting things with a dactyl and a spondee. Meanwhile, we seek ideas for useful things to do with a football. Answers to: Creativity, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL.

Arts and Entertainment
Reawakening: can Jon Hamm’s Don Draper find enlightenment in the final ‘Mad Men’?
tv reviewNot quite, but it's an enlightening finale for Don Draper spoiler alert
Arts and Entertainment
Breakfast Show’s Nick Grimshaw

Radio
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment

Eurovision
Arts and Entertainment
'Youth' cast members Paul Dano, Jane Fonda, Harvey Keitel, Rachel Weisz, and Michael Caine pose for photographers at Cannes Film Festival
film
Arts and Entertainment
Adam West as Batman and Burt Ward and Robin in the 1960s Batman TV show

Comics
Arts and Entertainment
I am flute: Azeem Ward and his now-famous instrument
music
Arts and Entertainment
A glass act: Dr Chris van Tulleken (left) and twin Xand get set for their drinking challenge
TV review
Arts and Entertainment
MIA perform at Lovebox 2014 in London Fields, Hackney

music
Arts and Entertainment
Finnish punk band PKN hope to enter Eurovision 2015 and raise awareness for Down's Syndrome

eurovision
Arts and Entertainment
William Shakespeare on the cover of John Gerard's The Herball or Generall Historie of Plantes

books
Arts and Entertainment

Game of Thrones review
Arts and Entertainment
Grayson Perry dedicates his Essex home to Julie

Potter's attempt to create an Essex Taj Mahal was a lovely treat

tv
Arts and Entertainment
A scene from the original Swedish version of the sci-fi TV drama ‘Real Humans’
tv
Arts and Entertainment
Hugh Keays-Byrne plays Immortan Joe, the terrifying gang leader, in the new film
filmActor who played Toecutter returns - but as a different villain in reboot
Arts and Entertainment
Charlize Theron as Imperator Furiosa in Mad Max: Fury Road
film
Arts and Entertainment
Jessica Hynes in W1A
tvReview: Perhaps the creators of W1A should lay off the copy and paste function spoiler alert
Arts and Entertainment
Power play: Mitsuko Uchida in concert

classical
Arts and Entertainment
Dangerous liaisons: Dominic West, Jake Richard Siciliano, Maura Tierney and Leya Catlett in ‘The Affair’ – a contradictory drama but one which is sure to reel the viewers in
TV review
Arts and Entertainment
Richard Herring, pictured performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival two years ago
comedy
Arts and Entertainment
Music freak: Max Runham in the funfair band
theatre
Arts and Entertainment
film 'I felt under-used by Hollywood'
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Abuse - and the hell that came afterwards

    Abuse - and the hell that follows

    James Rhodes on the extraordinary legal battle to publish his memoir
    Why we need a 'tranquility map' of England, according to campaigners

    It's oh so quiet!

    The case for a 'tranquility map' of England
    'Timeless fashion': It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it

    'Timeless fashion'

    It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it
    If the West needs a bridge to the 'moderates' inside Isis, maybe we could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive after all

    Could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive?

    Robert Fisk on the Fountainheads of World Evil in 2011 - and 2015
    New exhibition celebrates the evolution of swimwear

    Evolution of swimwear

    From bathing dresses in the twenties to modern bikinis
    Sun, sex and an anthropological study: One British academic's summer of hell in Magaluf

    Sun, sex and an anthropological study

    One academic’s summer of hell in Magaluf
    From Shakespeare to Rising Damp... to Vicious

    Frances de la Tour's 50-year triumph

    'Rising Damp' brought De la Tour such recognition that she could be forgiven if she'd never been able to move on. But at 70, she continues to flourish - and to beguile
    'That Whitsun, I was late getting away...'

    Ian McMillan on the Whitsun Weddings

    This weekend is Whitsun, and while the festival may no longer resonate, Larkin's best-loved poem, lives on - along with the train journey at the heart of it
    Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath in a new light

    Songs from the bell jar

    Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath
    How one man's day in high heels showed him that Cannes must change its 'no flats' policy

    One man's day in high heels

    ...showed him that Cannes must change its 'flats' policy
    Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

    Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

    Dominic Rossi of Fidelity says his pressure on business to control rewards is working. But why aren’t other fund managers helping?
    The King David Hotel gives precious work to Palestinians - unless peace talks are on

    King David Hotel: Palestinians not included

    The King David is special to Jerusalem. Nick Kochan checked in and discovered it has some special arrangements, too
    More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years

    End of the Aussie brain drain

    More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years
    Meditation is touted as a cure for mental instability but can it actually be bad for you?

    Can meditation be bad for you?

    Researching a mass murder, Dr Miguel Farias discovered that, far from bringing inner peace, meditation can leave devotees in pieces
    Eurovision 2015: Australians will be cheering on their first-ever entrant this Saturday

    Australia's first-ever Eurovision entrant

    Australia, a nation of kitsch-worshippers, has always loved the Eurovision Song Contest. Maggie Alderson says it'll fit in fine