Creativity: Just telling the truth

CONGRATULATIONS to everyone who turned up at the Creativity Christmas party last week. Rising to the ultimate creative challenge of the year, you all creatively deduced not only that we were having a party, but where and when it was.

And what fun we had. The group creativity exercise - to create a categorisation scheme for ideas - was particularly valuable: My ideas; your ideas; good ideas; bad ideas; good ideas that don't work (mine); bad ideas that do work (other people's); ideas that you've just had which I thought of years ago but nobody appreciated at the time; solutions to which there is no known problem; ideas that do not in fact provide a solution to a particular problem but give a conceptual framework on which other, less creative people, may build; accidental ideas caused by bad memory.

Which leaves us with the problem of getting rid of unwanted guests, for which holiday snaps and religion were the most popular ideas. Bomb them with last week's out- of-date phone books, suggest Paul and Steph, who also offer a range of useful chat- down lines ranging from: 'Sorry it's so cold; do you have a few 50p's for the meter?' to: 'The Tupperware party starts in five minutes.'

Iain Lorriman adds 'Your wife bears a striking resemblance to my last girlfriend' as a useful conversational line. If that doesn't work he runs over their pets.

A D Smith enlists the help of a child, with yellow face and red spots, to croak: 'When is the doctor coming, mummy?', while John and Fiona Earle put the Yorkshire terrier to work with: 'Horace is OK really. The vet says his poison's drawn off now.' Even simpler is Stuart Cockerill's idea: 'Conspicuously change the cat litter while restocking the Twiglets.'

Paul Kershaw offers a 24-hour emergency service called Freephone Freedom Fanatics: 'within 15 minutes (average response), our ingeneur, after refreshing himself with your details, will be at your door to assess the situation and apply the correct treatment, be it religious fanatic, travelling salesman, old friend, old friend drunk, trainspotter or whatever. We guarantee to have that unwanted visitor met, matched and vanquished in the minimal time.'

Rosemary Naish brings a solution from the beginning of the century: 'Guests who had overstayed their welcome at Preston Manor near Brighton, would find that when the butler delivered their breakfast tray, instead of the morning paper there was a railway timetable. Apparently this never failed.'

Fred Barnfield found his perfect solution by accident: 'Years ago my wife had a friend and we couldn't get shot of her. One night, by accident, the plunger broke on the toilet. The embarrassment it caused her. We never saw her again. I highly recommend it.'

Margaret McCallum bring another true story: 'My absent-minded host would rise at his chosen time to suggest to his wife that it is time to leave.' The simplest and best idea, however, came in a list which our contributor forgot to sign. He or she suggests saying: 'Clear off, you're boring and I don't want to see you.'

May we wish a Creative Christmas to all our readers, and while you're bored by the festivities, you might like to think of some creative New Year resolutions, or things to do with them. Ideas will be welcome at Creativity, The Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB.