Sharp comments on Tory politicians: Michael Soured, John Redneck (Clair Hubble), M Bezzletime, Jonathan Taintken, Chris Spat-on (Ella O'Key), but curiously mild ones about their ineffectual leader, rendered as Well, I'm Vague, We're In Vogue, What'll I Make?
Crossing the flaw of the house, we find Cock Robin (Magy Higgs), Rabid Blanket (John Pickin), John Pressed-Suit, Jack's CunningPlan, Peter LendMeSome (Daniel Holloway) and rather a lot of Tory Blahs, Baloney Blares and Phoney Blurs (various artists).
Other politicians: Gerry Had-Arms (Tony McCoy O'Grady) Dafydd Wriggly (Robin Baker) Alone Michael, Yawn Paisley, Bill Cling-On (John Terris) Ken LivingDead (Al Ratcliffe) aka Can Live Again (Roger Morgan), BlastTed Heath, Benjamin WhataYahoo, Henry Killinger (Peter Thomas) SlapEmDown Kosovich (Alan Meikle) Menace Campbell (Colin Archer) Neil KingNot (Mike Gifford) Ronald Raygun (EOK).
Showbusiness personalities: Michael Whiner, Bob Gelded (John O'Byrne), Esther Rants-On (Octavia Leigh) And She's a Turn-Off (TMOG), Robbie Millions (Susan Tomes) Neigh-bores (Len Clarke) The Agggggh!-chers (Alex) Madhonour (JR Gore), Jester Garrotte (Paul Turner), Claudia Chiffon, Bernard Mannerisms (CH).
Assorted sporting heroes: Shamed Warne (Tony Brandon), Cave-in Keegan (JT), Born-Aglen Muddle, David Kick'em (ST), Linford Crusty, Mike Tyrant (Nicholas E Gough), Sonny Listless, Bobby Fissure, Venus Wills-Em, Ruud Gutted (CH), Jacques FailedNerve, Lester Rig-It, BlewIt Pearce (EOK), Michael Half-A-Ton, Paul GashedGroin (MG).
Miscellaneous: Monstranto (Kay Newman), Ted Use, Sylvia Clash, Simone de Boudoir (CH), Helen of Troy-oy-oy! Confuses-Us, Sir Paul Condone, Lady Die (TMOG), Charles Wins-Her (Andrew Duncan), Hungry VIII (PT), The Archbashful of Cautionary (Tristan York) Thirsty Work (Mike Simpson), Kenneth Stirr (TB), Julius Seizer, Loco (MG) Cleofratricide (EOK).
Bruce Birchall rebelled. He decided to be nice to someone. And why not? An admirer of the tennis skills of Anna Kournikova -- her delicate ball control, her flair, her imagination - he dubbed her Anna Cornucopia, to reflect the wealth of talent she possesses.
Roger Morgan and Bruce Birchall win Chambers Dictionary of Quotations, as does John Pickin's challenge: Historical headlines. Tabloid journalism applied to history, eg Hitler Bunkered. Guy Fawkes Up. Boney given the Elba.
Suggestions please to Creativity, Features, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL or e-mail to Loki.Valhalla@btinternet.com by 18 March. Three prizes of Chambers, posibbly one for suggesting a challenge. Next week: appropriate terms for being sacked (Blackjack dealers discarded, etc).Reuse content