Monday 27 December 1993
I work evenings so the days are very valuable. Sad to say I don't play golf, but if it was a nice day I'd go out on my motorbike. I go down the lanes for about three miles then get a headache and come back. I'd recover by having crumpets with cheese and tomato chutney or Branston Pickle topping, and sit in the lounge with a cup of tea, thinking about my debts again. I love a good show and if I could I'd go down to London to see something like Five Guys Named Moe. Not Aspects of Love - that's full of poofs.
I'd better not name the restaurants I go to, but I do like the Ostler's Grill at the Royal Hotel Kirkby where they do me a nice charcoal grill steak - I take my wife. Occasionally I go to the Wagon and Horses, a local pub where I play a wicked Dixieland trumpet. The Riverside Jazz Band allow me to play with them. When they see me coming they usually shut the door because I'm actually not very good. Then there's a pub called The Dragon's Head in Whittington where they do a nice local brew. They're all comedians in there. I'm on the local brew diet - I lose three days. In fact I've just got back from Madeira where it was 80 degrees so an ideal day would be to piss off back there.
Jim Bowen appears in 'The Comedians Christmas Cracker', tomorrow night 10.45pm ITV.
TVEnough to make ardent arachnophobes think twice
Will explain back story to fictional kingdom Westeros
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 2015 General Election: Green party will not appear in TV debate alongside Ukip – says BBC
- 2 Kentucky gang rape: 15-year-old boy left in critical condition after sexual attack by group at party
- 3 Of course, teenage girls need role models – but not like beauty vlogger Zoella
- 4 North Korean officials 'publicly executed for watching South Korean soap operas'
- 5 Muslims, immigration and teenage pregnancy: British people are ignorant about almost everything
This is what a film sex scene actually looks like on set (mostly awkward)
Cumberbacklash: Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange riles Marvel fans
Downton Abbey season 5 episode 6 - review: Thomas and Lady Edith show sad signs of the times
Halloween 2014: The scariest movies to watch on Netflix
Spider House, BBC4 - review: Enough to make ardent arachnophobes think twice
Pope Francis declares evolution and Big Bang theory are real and God is not 'a magician with a magic wand'
Huge surge in Ukip support after EU funding row, according to new poll
Ukip ‘exploiting grooming scandal’ to secure party’s first police chief
Nigel Farage: 'There’s nothing wrong with white people blacking up'
Muslims, immigration and teenage pregnancy: British people are ignorant about almost everything
Nigel Farage and Frankie Boyle clash over Andrew Lawrence's 'Mock the Week' criticism