Day Out

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The Independent Culture
I live in a small Gloucestershire village called Temple Guiting. Nothing happens. My neighbours are llama farmers, which means I have an extraordinary view of 200 llamas every morning. They don't make much noise, just spit occasionally. Someone brought some logs round this week which was quite exciting but I really can't imagine spending the day out here.

Some of the best places to go are the tea rooms in Stow-on-the-Wold. Your buttocks clench as you enter. The sound level is so low that if you shake your teacup you get looks. My wife likes to breast-feed our six-week-old baby. She might as well be having sex on the table. People look that shocked. Nearby Sudeley Castle makes a nice contrast. It is supposed to be a huge adventure playground for kids but what happens is that the dads run up and down the wooden castle and climb the trees while the kids just sit there and eat crisps. There's also a great Australian restaurant in Moreton-in-the-Marsh. It only has one street so you can't miss it. When the waiter serves the kangaroo steak, he puts the plate down in front of you and says, 'Enjoy', which no one else ever does. It's worth going just to see him. In the afternoon I might go to the multiplex in Gloucester and eat popcorn. The Chipping Norton theatre has a good reputation, but because we're near to Stratford there's a lot of luvvies and I tend to avoid them like the plague. I get on well with the people who mend my Land Rover and shoot rabbits. They think I'm a flash git from London. The Bell at Ford does unusually good food and you can see lots of horsey people in Wellingtons. You think it's a cliche but they're completely for real.

Robert Llewellyn plays the robot Kryten in 'Red Dwarf'. His new play, 'Punchbag' at Hampstead Theatre (071-722 9301) from 7 Dec

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