My Edinburgh: A L Kennedy, novelist
Monday 09 August 2010
I hate to say this, but bananas – the whole Edinburgh Festival revolves around bananas. (And after the first three or four days of gigging, that sentence makes as much sense as any – "Wilberforce Birmingham clamp nigh", for example, will sound like poetry.)
Never mind the hyper-caffeinated drinks – my heart won't stand them. Never mind the drugs – my body is a crumbly temple, the last thing it needs is interior explosives. Bananas are the key: they contain potassium and vitamins and food... I think... and tennis players eat them and orang-utans – they seem healthy... endangered but healthy...
Number of bananas to get you through show – three. Number of bananas to get you up the road to show – another three. Number of bananas to get you home – yet another three, plus a cab and someone to carry you downstairs.
Your state of pitiful exhaustion and show-focusedness will begin to clear into something like tense normality only when you have just two shows to go – and yet the bananas will continue, just in case.
In fact, I am barely gigging in Edinburgh this year and so will miss the lovely audiences, the odd audiences, the meeting people you haven't seen in 30 years, the dressing-room camaraderie, the dressing-room gossip, the increasingly vile dressing-room smells, the alarmed sports masseurs who mend my back, the endless ironing, and having the attention span of a boiled kitten. I'll also miss what amounts to a soul-melting holiday from my usual round of typing and more typing and badly planned travel. I won't miss the bananas. I don't even like bananas.
'Words' with A L Kennedy is at Highland Park Spiegeltent, 23 August, 9pm
Artists unveils new exhibition inspired by Hastings beachart
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Husband creates spreadsheet detailing wife's 'excuses' for turning down sex
- 2 UK pirates will get four warning letters a year
- 3 Saneie Masilela, 9, marries Helen Shabangu, 53 years his senior, for the second time
- 4 Time runs out for Christian Iraq: Isis deadline passes with mass flight
- 5 Why I'm on the brink of burning my Israeli passport
Benedict Cumberbatch and Keira Knightley star in trailer for new Alan Turing film The Imitation Game
Endeavour series 2, episode 4 - TV review: A gripping, sordid, startling and magnificent end to the series
Best movies on Netflix UK and US: 32 films that will end your endless scrolling
It looks like Krusty the Clown is the major Simpsons character death
Star Wars 7: Plot details 'leak', with sequel's opening sequence and premise revealed
Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 crash: 'Nine Britons, 23 Americans and 80 children' feared dead after Boeing passenger jet is 'shot down' near Ukraine-Russia border
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Vladimir Putin is given 'one last chance' to end hostilities in Ukraine
The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Ukrainian military jet was flying close to passenger plane before it was shot down, says Russian officer
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: victims’ bodies bundled in black bags and loaded onto trains
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash analysis: A tragic lesson of advanced weapons in the wrong hands
- < Previous
- Next >