Fast Track: E-mail > female

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From britishconsul@spain

Dear Ms Clarissa Harlowe,

Mr James Harlowe has asked us to contact you. He is stranded in Majorca with no means of getting back after his passport and money were stolen. He informs us that as your sister you are his next of kin as he is an orphan. Can you tell us how we can expect his airfare to be paid.

Yours sincerely,

A L Tench


From ClarissaH@


You are a horrible little squit. when you get back into the country you can think about a) paying back the pounds 500 you now owe me b) in future contact our far from deceased parents to sponge off them. i thought that money i lent you was supposed to be for the rent. i'm going to tell mum



no no don't she'll have a fit. i did mean to use money on rent but the flight was such a bargain i thought you'd understand. i brought u back a toy donkey. lotsa luv jim xx

From ClarissaH

o thank u so much

o go on then, did u have a good time?

from jimharlowe

fantastic the clubs were out of this world. tell u what, i'm sorry about all the fuss. i'll come and see u to make up

love jim xxx

From ClarissaH

hi anna!

thanks for the face-saving valentine. hope mine got there. sorry i've been a bit quiet for a few days. hated bossman solmes sent round major sad memo as follows: IT inform me that the mail system is being overloaded. Will staff please remember that e-mails are for urgent business purposes only. R Solmes (Manager).

Who is he trying to kid? i don't know anyone but the squarest of the square who uses e-mail for business. whole point of e-mail is to undermine work ethic by spending all yr time messaging friends while not getting caught. did u see monica lewinsky DID get caught sending e-mails to linda tripp with intellectual remarks such as "nice that Big Creep didn't even try to call me ... HHHEEELLPP". surely our msgs are more intellectual than that, doncha think? C xxx

From annahowe@

yeah right they are. i see u as monica, me as linda then solmes is clinton, urggh. rather u than me ...

From ClarissaH

o no!!!!! mr hated bossman solmes wants a "chat" about my productivity level! i know i hate this job and it's crap but imagine being sacked from a crap job!!! the humiliation!

can't bear it. can never go home to flat again. christina and jon will never let me forget it.

From annahowe

calm down u'll be fine. tell him to get stuffed if he gets heavy. and u can have my job at this rate if i have to deal with my stupid boss once more today i'll deck him one.

From ClarissaH

don't get cross. i popped out at lunch for emergency therapy session with andrea.

"before you meet mr solmes you have to decide what u really want from yr job," she said.

"not to get sacked" i replied.

"I think you need to think more deeply about yr path to awakening and yr Qi balance than that," she said after a long time.

"i think i'll just stick with my bank balance, andrea," i said as she took another

pounds 30 off me.

From annahowe

clarissa for god's sake save yr therapy money and spend it on something that is actually of some use to u. it's no good, i feel so fed up i'm going to skive off early and watch the simpsons


From ClarissaH

omigod omigod can't believe it. my productivity is good. am getting minimal pay rise (u know, the sort that might support anorexic hamster) and congrats all round.

i am going to become locked into a job i hate because it pays too well. i knew there had to be a catch. at this rate i'm going to have to start telling people i'm an estate agent.

From jimharlowe@

Hey sis!

coming to see u today!

i'll be in london by noon, a mate's giving me a lift ... only prob is i haven't really got enough to get back to cambridge. any chance of help? ...

lots of luv jim xxx.