It has been reported that Madonna is eyeing up a return to the big screen as the lead in a biopic of Wallis Simpson. Here we salute Madge’s incredible perseverance in the face of continued cinematic humiliation..
'Shanghai Surprise' - 1986
This sub-Indiana Jones period adventure, in which Madge starred as the unlikeliest of Christian missionaries, was chiefly notable for the sub-zero chemistry between her and newlywed husband Sean Penn.
'Body of Evidence' - 1993
Making Basic Instinct look like Citizen Kane, this erotic thriller saw her channel the charisma of the speaking clock as an S&M-loving femme fatale, here seen getting Willem Dafoe all flustered in a crowded lift.
'The Next Best Thing' - 2000
Possessed of a distracting mid-Atlantic twang, her Madgesty played an oh-so-ordinary yoga teacher who gets pregnant by Rupert Everett’s gay best friend. The result was daytime soap opera writ large.
'Swept Away' - 2002
Directed by Guy Ritchie, this desert island dross about a spoilt heiress in thrall to a hunky sailor was her most spectacular failure yet, scooping five Razzie awards and heading straight to video to boot.
'Filth and Wisdom' - 2008
She made a predictably inauspicious transition from acting to directing with this wacky comedy-drama about three London housemates, which drew critical groans when it debuted at the 2008 Berlin Film Festival.