Sunday 22 February 2009
It has been reported that Madonna is eyeing up a return to the big screen as the lead in a biopic of Wallis Simpson. Here we salute Madge’s incredible perseverance in the face of continued cinematic humiliation..
'Shanghai Surprise' - 1986
This sub-Indiana Jones period adventure, in which Madge starred as the unlikeliest of Christian missionaries, was chiefly notable for the sub-zero chemistry between her and newlywed husband Sean Penn.
'Body of Evidence' - 1993
Making Basic Instinct look like Citizen Kane, this erotic thriller saw her channel the charisma of the speaking clock as an S&M-loving femme fatale, here seen getting Willem Dafoe all flustered in a crowded lift.
'The Next Best Thing' - 2000
Possessed of a distracting mid-Atlantic twang, her Madgesty played an oh-so-ordinary yoga teacher who gets pregnant by Rupert Everett’s gay best friend. The result was daytime soap opera writ large.
'Swept Away' - 2002
Directed by Guy Ritchie, this desert island dross about a spoilt heiress in thrall to a hunky sailor was her most spectacular failure yet, scooping five Razzie awards and heading straight to video to boot.
'Filth and Wisdom' - 2008
She made a predictably inauspicious transition from acting to directing with this wacky comedy-drama about three London housemates, which drew critical groans when it debuted at the 2008 Berlin Film Festival.
TVJamie's Sugar Rush reveal's campaigning chef's new foe
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 What marriage would look like if we actually followed the Bible
- 2 If these extraordinarily powerful images of a dead Syrian child washed up on a beach don't change Europe's attitude to refugees, what will?
- 3 The Chinese city where men have 'three girlfriends because there are so many women'
- 4 'Heartbreaking' Syria orphan photo wasn't taken in Syria and not of orphan
- 5 Orthorexia nervosa: How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition
Three million books were judged by their covers - this is what happened
The Gamechangers trailer: Daniel Radcliffe stars in GTA movie
Joan Aiken: Today's Google Doodle celebrates life of British fantasy novelist
Photographer captures the beauty and intensity of his girlfriend giving birth at home
Jamie’s Sugar Rush, TV review: Defeated by school dinners, Oliver takes on a new enemy
Britain to take more refugees as Cameron bows to pressure after more than 250,000 back our campaign
Senior British politicians tell David Cameron: When dead children are being washed up on beaches – it's time to act
Jeremy Corbyn calls Osama bin Laden's killing a 'tragedy' - but was it taken out of context?
If these extraordinarily powerful images of a dead Syrian child washed up on a beach don't change Europe's attitude to refugees, what will?
If you're not already angry about the refugee crisis, here's a history lesson to remind you why you really should be
Make your voice heard: Sign The Independent's petition to welcome refugees