Sunday 22 February 2009
It has been reported that Madonna is eyeing up a return to the big screen as the lead in a biopic of Wallis Simpson. Here we salute Madge’s incredible perseverance in the face of continued cinematic humiliation..
'Shanghai Surprise' - 1986
This sub-Indiana Jones period adventure, in which Madge starred as the unlikeliest of Christian missionaries, was chiefly notable for the sub-zero chemistry between her and newlywed husband Sean Penn.
'Body of Evidence' - 1993
Making Basic Instinct look like Citizen Kane, this erotic thriller saw her channel the charisma of the speaking clock as an S&M-loving femme fatale, here seen getting Willem Dafoe all flustered in a crowded lift.
'The Next Best Thing' - 2000
Possessed of a distracting mid-Atlantic twang, her Madgesty played an oh-so-ordinary yoga teacher who gets pregnant by Rupert Everett’s gay best friend. The result was daytime soap opera writ large.
'Swept Away' - 2002
Directed by Guy Ritchie, this desert island dross about a spoilt heiress in thrall to a hunky sailor was her most spectacular failure yet, scooping five Razzie awards and heading straight to video to boot.
'Filth and Wisdom' - 2008
She made a predictably inauspicious transition from acting to directing with this wacky comedy-drama about three London housemates, which drew critical groans when it debuted at the 2008 Berlin Film Festival.
game of thrones reviewWarning: spoilers
North London meets The Exorcist in eerie suburban drama
Filming to begin on two new series due to be aired on Dave from next year
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Lucy Hawking: Stephen Hawking's daughter writes impassioned open letter to Katie Hopkins about rights of disabled people
- 2 #NotGuilty: Second Oxford student writes of brutal rape by two men who then threw her in a bin as part of campaign against victim blaming
- 3 How the language you speak changes your view of the world
- 4 Russell Brand backs Ed Miliband: 'You gotta vote Labour'
- 5 Uploading pictures to find out how old you are gives Microsoft the right to post them wherever they want
The C-Word - review: Sheridan Smith shines in a warm, honest adaptation of Lisa Lynch's book about living with cancer
X-Men Apocalypse: First look at Jubilee and Jean Grey played by Game of Thrones star Sophie Turner
American Horror Story: Hotel Angela Bassett set to make 'lots of trouble' with Lady Gaga in season 5
Game of Thrones season 5 episode 4 - review: Sansa is in danger of becoming another footnote in Westeros' bloody history
May the Fourth Be With You: The internet celebrates Star Wars Day with new Twitter symbols and memes
Over 50,000 families shipped out of London boroughs in the past three years due to welfare cuts and soaring rents
EU asylum policy is 'a direct threat to our civilisation', says Nigel Farage
The Rothschild Libel: Why has it taken 200 years for an anti-Semitic slur that emerged from the Battle of Waterloo to be dismissed?
General Election 2015: SNP and its activists 'openly racist' towards the English, Farage says
General Election 2015: UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power, Labour warns
Schools forced to act as 'miniature welfare states' with teachers buying underwear and even haircuts for poor pupils