Sunday 22 February 2009
It has been reported that Madonna is eyeing up a return to the big screen as the lead in a biopic of Wallis Simpson. Here we salute Madge’s incredible perseverance in the face of continued cinematic humiliation..
'Shanghai Surprise' - 1986
This sub-Indiana Jones period adventure, in which Madge starred as the unlikeliest of Christian missionaries, was chiefly notable for the sub-zero chemistry between her and newlywed husband Sean Penn.
'Body of Evidence' - 1993
Making Basic Instinct look like Citizen Kane, this erotic thriller saw her channel the charisma of the speaking clock as an S&M-loving femme fatale, here seen getting Willem Dafoe all flustered in a crowded lift.
'The Next Best Thing' - 2000
Possessed of a distracting mid-Atlantic twang, her Madgesty played an oh-so-ordinary yoga teacher who gets pregnant by Rupert Everett’s gay best friend. The result was daytime soap opera writ large.
'Swept Away' - 2002
Directed by Guy Ritchie, this desert island dross about a spoilt heiress in thrall to a hunky sailor was her most spectacular failure yet, scooping five Razzie awards and heading straight to video to boot.
'Filth and Wisdom' - 2008
She made a predictably inauspicious transition from acting to directing with this wacky comedy-drama about three London housemates, which drew critical groans when it debuted at the 2008 Berlin Film Festival.
Is the comedy album making a comeback?comedy
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Woman and two children killed by mob in riots over 'blasphemous' Facebook post in Pakistan
- 2 The secret report that helps Israelis to hide facts
- 3 Danish TV reporter is all business up top, all party down below
- 4 Ross Burden dead: MasterChef and Ready Steady Cook star, dies aged 45
- 5 Businessman charged £75 for three small bottles of water in London hotel
The secret report that helps Israelis to hide facts
A day in the life of Vladimir Putin: The dictator in his labyrinth
Were 'Poor Doors' added to mixed developments so wealthy residents don't have to go in alongside social housing tenants?
A new Russian revolution: The cracks are starting to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc
Arizona execution lasts two hours as killer Joseph Wood left 'snorting and gasping' for air
Opponents of Israel's military operation in Gaza are the real enemies of Middle Eastern peace