Best Actor? Who cares. Best Film? Whatever. On Sunday night, the real struggle for Hollywood domination on will take place on the red carpet.
Outside the Kodak Theatre, the Euro-crowd (Dior, Versace, Armani) will go head to head with the American natives (Calvin Klein, Carolina Herrera, Oscar de la Renta). Here, the burning questions of the night will be answered: which fashion titan will manage to persuade Nicole Kidman to step out in its crystal-studded gown? What kind of pimp-cum-scarecrow get-up will Johnny Depp wear (and yet still manage to pull off)? And, of the actresses, who will look the most radiant, whose excessive thinness will spark health fears and who will look a bit awkwardly taller than her stocky actor hubby?
These are but fleeting moments of preternatural physical perfection, but their importance cannot be overstated. Flashed around the world to an audience of 600 million, this battle of the poses represent a priceless marketing opportunity to designers not to mention a crystallising moment in any actress's career. And maybe Bjork will turn up in that dead swan dress again.
From 11pm GMT on Sunday 24 February, join Susie Rushton, our very own Joan Rivers minus the surgical intervention, for live gown-by-gown analysis