The alternative Oscars 2016: From Chris Rock and Jacob Tremblay to Uggie the dog - the unofficial winners

Because Best Joke, Best Lookalike, Best Dress and Best Person deserve gongs too

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The Independent Culture

Spotlight, Brie Larson and Leonardo DiCaprio were among the big winners at the Oscars but with the official winners list looking rather too predictable for our liking, it’s time to take a look at the alternative triumphs of the night.

Saoirse Ronan might have missed out on Best Actress for Brooklyn, but her dress was the epitome of effortless Hollywood glamour. Quite the achievement.

Chris Rock, meanwhile, was cracking out all the gags as host, quipping about OscarsSoWhite, sexism and, erm, more OscarsSoWhite. Diversity was the theme of the night and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it but sit back, champagne in both hands, and wince.

Naturally, Jacob Tremblay wins all the cutest person on the planet gongs out there, but here’s who else we think is deserving of an unofficial accolade:

Best Joke: Chris Rock

“Is it fair that Will didn’t get nominated for Concussion? No. But it’s also not fair that he got paid $20 million for Wild Wild West.”

Chris Rock's opening monologue from Oscars 2016

Best Lookalike: Matt Damon and the Oscars accountant

Brian Cullinan counts the Oscar ballots along with his fellow PricewaterhouseCoopers partner Martha Ruiz. Unremarkable in itself, except that Cullinan is the spit of how we imagine The Martian's Matt Damon will look in circa ten years time. 

Best Twitter Rant: Bette Midler

The singer and actress threw some serious shade over the ceremony before it had even begun when she posted the following tweet taking aim at OscarsSoWhite:

Fair play, but ouch. Better fetch some water for that burn.

Best Dressed: Saoirse Ronan

The Brooklyn star wore an emerald green dress from Calvin Klein and looked effortlessly glamourous. Full marks (and going on the Christmas list)

Best Person: Jacob Tremblay

The moment he jumped out of his seat (next to his dad, of course) to get a good look at Star Wars characters R2-D2, C-3OI and BB-8 on stage made our hearts weep with joy. Then when his Room co-star Brie Larson won Best Actress, well, night made by his adorable reaction.

Best Loser: Eddie Redmayne

He won Best Actor last year for The Theory of Everything, but Redmayne was still in with a chance of doing the double with The Danish Girl. Speaking before the ceremony, however, he said that it was “certainly Leo’s year and he really deserves it”. It’s the British way.

Best Awkward Photo: Chris Rock and Stacey Dash

Yep, that’s Stacey Dash, also known as the controversial Fox News pundit who recently criticised Black History Month and Chris Rock, the black comedian hosting the Oscars. In one photo. Sort of smiling.

Best Tribute: Dave Grohl

The Foo Fighters frontman and general good guy gave a stripped-back acoustic performance of “Blackbird” by The Beatles to soundtrack the In Memoriam tribute. David Bowie, Leonard Nimoy, Christopher Lee, Alan Rickman and co would surely have enjoyed it.

Best Political Shoehorn: Leonardo DiCaprio

“Making The Revenant was about man’s relationship to the natural world, a world that we collectively felt in 2015 as the hottest year in recorded history. Our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to find snow. Climate change is real, it is happening right now. It is the most urgent threat facing our entire species. We need to stop procrastinating and support leaders around the world who speak for all of humanity. Let us not take this planet for granted, I do not take tonight for granted.”

So there you go, climate change. Let’s sort it out because if Leo can still love icebergs after Titanic, so can you.

Leo acceptance speech

Best Forgotten In Memoriam: Uggie the Dog

People are getting very upset that Uggie, the dog from The Artist, was left out of the In Memoriam tribute. Understandably so, it’s outrageous.