3D Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy (18)

Starring: Hiro Hayama

Be careful what you wish for is a much-touted moral in cinema.

In this, "the world's first erotic 3D film", the under-endowed hero (Hiro Hayama) wishes for himself a giant "cock" so as to pursue his pleasure in the Pavilion of Ultimate Bliss, which is basically the Playboy Mansion as designed by the Flintstones. Back home his wife repines, little suspecting her husband's transformation into the Dirk Diggler of the East. Orgasmic moaning is the near-permanent soundtrack to a tale that shows plenty of flesh but not much finesse, even with the supposed advantage of 3D. There are certain scenes – the surreptitious removal of a jumbo-sized cock ring, say – that I never thought to see, and afterwards rather wished I hadn't.