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College Road Trip (U)

Oh no, it's a Martin Lawrence family comedy, and it's sponsored by Disney.

What kind of a sadist put those two together? Come back, Ice Cube, all is forgiven. Actually, please don't. I thought of the Cube only because the question repeating in my head as this "road trip" continued on its unhilarious course was: are we there yet? Lawrence plays a father so protective of his daughter that he insists on driving her 700 miles to the Georgetown law school she wants to go to, hence the film's disheartening title. On the way, they learn that mutual tolerance is best, while we learn that nothing is less funny than a cutesy younger brother with a pet pig.

We also learn that nothing's creepier than Lawrence's overprotectiveness, which leads him to hide in his daughter's friends' dorm while they have a slumber party. Donny Osmond plays an invasively genial dad who spends road trips singing show tunes with his daughter. He's a lot funnier than the film's supposed star. "That's what I do," boasts Lawrence, who is, unbelievably, a policeman. "I protect people." Can't someone please protect us from him?

Watch the College Road Trip trailer