Dangerous Parking (18)

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Peter Howitt, who once had a hit as director of Sliding Doors, puts himself centre-stage in his latest, the story of film-maker, fantasist and chronic drunk Noah Arkwright. Adapted by Howitt (below) from Stuart Browne's novel, the story flashes confusingly back and forth through Noah's past, his marriage to Clare (Saffron Burrows), his misadventures with booze and drugs, and his struggle with bladder cancer.

At times, Howitt seems to have modelled himself on Martin Amis's debauched anti-hero John Self ("My head is a dangerous neighbourhood" etc) but he is fatally lacking in charm, and interior monologues along the lines of "I'm a wanker" do not endear merely because he's being truthful. Alice Evans is featured in a stunningly misogynist cameo, and Tom Conti does a silly-ass toff pretending to be a surgeon. "Personal" it may be, but it's deeply unlovable.