The opening shot has Taylor Lautner's wolf-boy ripping off his top and for a second you're fooled into thinking this might be a more tongue-in-cheek Twilight.
Less po/pasty-faced mawkishness, more vampy, campy fun. Unfortunately, it's more of the same: dreary. Robert Pattinson's neck biter, Edward, mopes, while Kristen Stewart's bright teen, Bella, pouts before their glum nuptials. Once hitched, the lovers finally, you know, do it, and conceive a daughter. Of course, once they do all hell breaks loose between the vamps and the wolves; which is, like, a total downer. Everyone here – even the compelling Stewart – looks tired of this soapy hokum.