Fantastic Four (PG)

It's a good job Marvel Comics exist, otherwise Hollywood studios would be even shorter of ideas than they already are. This latest concerns a quartet of astronauts who survive a lunar storm, only to discover that their DNA has been messed with, turning them into superheroes. That's fine for team leader Ioan Gruffud, who's endowed with infinitely extendable limbs, Jessica Alba, who gets powers of invisibility, and Chris Evans (no relation, though he does think he's God's gift), who can turn himself into a human torch. But you have to feel for Michael Chiklis, who's transformed into an orange Hulk-style creature called The Thing - also known as five hours a day in make-up. The villain is called, with no startling originality, Dr Doom, and instead of drama we are offered some paltry musings on celebrity (it's set in New York) plus great swathes of scenery-trashing. If X-Men is the Big Brother of the superhero ensemble, this is pretty close to Celebrity Love Island.