Fast and Furious 5 (12A)

Starring: Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson
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And keeping your pedal to the floor, here's... no, actually, don't bother.

The car-racer series that first whined into our consciousness 10 years ago is now in its fifth instalment, and while the wheels are still spinning, the thrills flew off long ago. Vin Diesel supplies another square yard of machismo as Big Chief Bull Neck, sorry, I mean "Dom", with Paul Walker as his hugely uninteresting nemesis-turned-brother-in-arms. These days the pair are boosting deluxe motors from moving trains, then hiding in the favelas of Rio, where federal agent Dwayne Johnson pursues them – and even threatens to outstare Diesel with his they-shall-not-pass perma-frown. Everything is pumped or pimped to the max, from the dialogue that comes in capital letters (for the intelligence-impaired) to the punches landed on flesh that sound more like a fridge dropped from a high window. At two hours and 10 minutes this is not fast or furious, but slow, and sensationally boring.