Goal II: Living the Dream (12A) <!-- none onestar twostar threestar fourstar fivestar -->

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Can we honestly feel any emotional connection with a Premiership footballer, even one like Santiago Munez (Kuno Becker) who's made it at Newcastle after a hardscrabble start in the barrios?

This second instalment finds him signing up to play alongside the princelings of Real Madrid - Ronaldo, Raul, Beckham, Zidane, Gavin Harris... sorry, who? Oh, that's Santi's mockney mate and fellow striker, played by Alessandro Nivola, whose ball skills are possibly no more ridiculous than the sight of Rutger Hauer as the Real coach, Anna Friel as the WAG in waiting and Steve McManaman just hanging around in mid-shot as who knows what.

The dramatic silliness might be enjoyable were it not outstripped by the actual silliness we read about daily in the sports pages: footie is stranger than fiction. As for the casting of the hero, you'd have thought they might pick someone who can either act or else looks like he can play football. Becker, regrettably, manages neither.