Friday 27 November 2009
You thought that after Hammer closed the British film industry had given up on horror: you hadn't sat through this pathetic comedy about a no-hope primary school which, for reasons too contrived and unconvincing to relate, becomes convinced that Hollywood casting agents coming to this year's nativity play.
Even in outline, the plot wouldn't pass muster as an episode of a CBBC drama, but its various twists and turns and grotesque emotional idiocies are engineered through some of the most wooden dialogue I've ever heard.
It relies for most of its laughs on Marc Wootton, playing the hilariously named Desmond Poppy; even more bizarrely, the cast is led by Martin Freeman and Ashley Jensen, with Pam Ferris and Ricky Tomlinson roped in along the way. Just thinking about it gives me the shudders.
Film The critics but sneer but these unfashionable festive films are our favourites
TV We're so close to knowing what happened to Oliver Hughes, but a last-minute bluff crushes expectations
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Nigel Farage: Me vs Russell Brand on Question Time – he's got the chest hair but where are his ideas?
- 2 Harry Potter fans can apply to the Hogwarts-inspired College of Wizardry
- 3 Jessica Chambers: 19-year-old woman 'doused with lighter fluid and burned alive' in the US
- 4 Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
- 5 Orange Wednesdays are no more
Peter Lik: The self-proclaimed 'fine-art photographer' whose work sells for millions
The best underrated Christmas movies from Love, Actually to While You Were Sleeping
Grace Dent on TV: The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies was a beautifully shot, immensely considered drama
The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies, review: Jason Watkins is brilliant, but real victim Joanna Yeates is reduced to a footnote
Marilyn Manson denies involvement in shocking Lana Del Rey rape video
Nigel Farage: Me vs Russell Brand on Question Time – he's got the chest hair but where are his ideas?
Shock poll shows voters believe Ukip is to the left of the Tories
Disgruntled RBS worker writes hilarious open letter to Russell Brand after anti-capitalist publicity stunt leaves him hungry
New era of cheap oil 'will destroy green revolution'
Ukip founder Alan Sked and Nigel Farage 'begged Enoch Powell to stand as a candidate'
Ukip candidate jokes about 'shooting peasants' in racist and homophobic rant