The Truth About Love

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Sometimes it's embarrassing simply to witness a film as it chokes to death on screen; you'd rather set up an accident scene, cordon it off with police tape and tell the rubber-neckers to move on. That's the feeling that the romantic comedy The Truth About Love provokes, starting with its anonymous St Valentine's Day shenanigans, its tabloid subplot involving a "star footballer" (in Bristol, no less), its hopeless sexual vulgarity, and its atrocious "comic" dialogue. Imagine Jade Goody trying to write a Richard Curtis comedy, and you're roughly in the area of this film's pitiful ineptitude. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Dougray Scott play the leads and, unconvincing as they are, at least come out of it alive; not so Jimi Mistry who, as the love rat of the story, gives a performance so leadenly awful you'd like to look away, but can't. John Hay's film has been on the shelf since 2004, and whoever decided to take it from there has some explaining to do.