Wild Child (12A)

On balance, gouging one's eyeballs with a chopstick would be more fun than watching this crummy tween comedy about a Californian princess (Emma Roberts) dispatched to a girls' academy in England to learn lessons in humility, humanity and so on.

Roberts is so obnoxious in so many ways as the brat that by the time she sees the light you couldn't care less what happens to her. Nick Moore directs with hands of lead and brains of mush, though it would take genius to turn Lucy Dahl's dismal script into comedy.