Grin and bare it (if you must)
Everyone's stripping off these days. Here's 10 ways to satisfy those naked ambitions.
Thursday 14 January 1999
1) Only do it if you're posh
Don't be fooled; nudity is not the great equaliser. If you've got a double- barrel name and a degree from Oxford, you can get them out for the boys with impunity. Flashing what it takes won't tarnish a high-brow literary career. See Amanda Foreman; historian and Whitbread finalist, in Tatler. Her books got a full frontal but she didn't (she stands behind them naked). Smart.
2) Never go the whole way
See Christine Keeler and that chair, and never opt for an Eames. Unless your naked ambition stretches to implants and a Channel Five chat show avoid Page Three.
3) Style over content
Think tasteful. Glossy magazines not tabloids. Remember prop is really another word for product placement; see Amanda Foreman and that biography.
4) Stay upmarket
Arty films and posing for Lucian Freud is acceptable. As Irena Brignull, script editor for Shakespeare In Love and another one of Tatler's "bare geniuses" says, "I was extremely flattered to be asked to be included among a list of people I so admired."
5) Don't do it if you're over 40
Amanda Foreman told one newspaper, "You're only young once and I'm certainly not going to do it when I'm 40."Would that put Tatler editor Jane Procter off stripping for her magazine? "Well, I'm over 40 years old," she says. "So the golden rule is I'm not allowed."
6) Don't do it if you're under 20
Timing is all. Teenage glamour shots will haunt you forever.
7) Nudity is a girl thing
Naked men just aren't so in demand. Ewan McGregor was desperate to strip off on stage but the producers refused. Would they still have said "No" if Ewan's co-star, Lou Gish, had made the same offer?
8) Don't do it if you've got a boyfriend
When Gwyneth Paltrow insisted on stripping for a love scene with Joseph Fiennes in Shakespeare In Love, her boyfriend Ben Affleck, now ex, objected.
9)Don't do it while you're shopping
This week naturists wanted to shop at Tesco. If you do play the nude card, a glamorous setting helps - the frozen goods section of your local supermarket is to be avoided.
10) Just don't do it
PR supremo Max Clifford says: "Nine times out of 10 it cheapens anyone who does it."
musicReview: Culture Club performs live for first time in 12 years
Children's bookseller wins The Independent's new author search
ReviewThese heroes in a half shell should have been left in hibernation
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Renee Zellweger on plastic surgery reports: 'I'm living a fulfilling life and I'm thrilled that perhaps it shows'
- 2 Salisbury ranked seventh-best city in the world to visit in Lonely Planet’s Best in Travel 2015
- 3 Disney announces new female-led film Moana
- 4 Banksy not arrested: Internet duped by fake report claiming artist's identity revealed
- 5 Russell Brand threatened with arrest after filming outside Fox News headquarters
Disney announces new female-led film Moana
Eight seconds of white noise is top of the Canadian iTunes chart because people love Taylor Swift that much
Fury, film review: Brad Pitt is intriguing as unsympathetic war hero
American Horror Story season 4, Fox - TV review: Sensitive, silly and sensational
Is Poppy Pym the new Harry Potter? Children's bookseller wins Independent's new author search
Cameron is warned 'no possibility' of UK reducing immigration and that bid to bring in quota on migrant workers would be illegal
Residents should throw a street party and mix with immigrant neighbours, councils told
Russell Brand threatened with arrest after filming outside Fox News headquarters
Of course, teenage girls need role models – but not like beauty vlogger Zoella
London bus driver 'kicks gay couple off for kissing'
Jose Manuel Barroso warns David Cameron against making 'historic mistake' over immigration reforms