Him Indoors: Revealed at last: the wisdom of the ancients
The Independent's parliamentary sketch writer and columnist since 2000, Simon Carr was described by Tony Blair as "the most vicious sketch writer working in Britain today". "Poison," said Charles Clarke. In the 1980s he helped launch The Independent, and was a speech writer for the prime minister of New Zealand from 1992 to 1994. His working principle is "Indignation keeps us young."
Sunday 06 February 2005
Growing older has long been an ambition of mine. Not everyone manages it. The gains continue to be greater than the losses. Wisdom, for one thing. Age makes you wise. Eventually it becomes clear that nothing very bad can happen to you in life if your shoes are properly polished. Experience, you see. It's the great teacher. At my age, when things are going wrong, you can spot it. And very often you can work out why (it's for the same reason they went wrong last time). This is all essential to happiness. Also the hair has settled down, that's important too. The freckles have faded, they've blended into the background. Hair, freckles, five stone weight loss. Somatically, things improve as they deteriorate.
But not always. There are signs that things are not for the best, in the best of all possible worlds. That was Leibniz's idea and, broadly speaking, he was wrong; he refuted himself by getting old and dying which made him look pretty silly. It's just too difficult to construe those pains in my hands as unambiguously positive. I don't like the absent mindedness that's gaining on me, either. And then there's the disease, war, famine and death that we hear about if we listen to the news too much. And the fact that I can't do mental arithmetic like I used to - life is hard all right. We all have to work to make the best of it.
And more dangerous to our well-being, we have to come to terms with the things that won't happen any more. I was 30 years old before I realised I couldn't really become a marine biologist any more. Now I know I will never have a boathouse (it wasn't much to ask). But then the not caring so much about things helps a good deal (another advantage of emotional incompetence).
More than that, even more, we have to lay up some sort of treasure for our old age. And not just money or assets or annuities (or nursing home fees, as the Government prefers to call them). No, we need intellectual resources to play with so that we have something to do when we are sitting on the sofa holding our stick and looking at the wall.
Music, that's what I've discovered. At last opera has revealed its use. You always thought it noisy and pointless? I can't blame you because I did so myself. But the more you get to know it the more you come to like it. That's so unlike one's normal experience with people that it takes a lot of getting used to. I can only hope there's music to last the distance.
Listen to his collaboration with Naughty Boymusic
Film review Michael Glatze biopic isn't about a self-hating gay man gone straight
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Tidal launch: The most pretentious lines from Alicia Keys' valedictory speech
- 2 Britain First 'acting like Ukip henchmen' by invading meeting of activists in revenge for pub protest against Nigel Farage
- 3 Katie Hopkins attacked me on Twitter — so I reported her to the police for inciting racial hatred
- 4 Tidal: Jay Z's Spotify rival streaming service criticised for making wealthy artists even richer
- 5 Brixton squat flats now costing up to £3k per month show how out of control rent is in London
Ukip supporters are 55 or older, white and socially conservative, finds British Social Attitudes Report
Street preacher quoting from the Bible fined for calling homosexuality an 'abomination'
Woman filmed launching racist tirade against men on the Tube for speaking in 'own lingo'
The West has it totally wrong on Lee Kuan Yew
David Cameron calls Labour 'hopeless, sneering socialists' while announcing 7-day NHS plans
Revealed: Putin's army of pro-Kremlin bloggers