"No, Watson. I simply disguised myself as a common street urchin and made some enquiries at the Croydon Clocktower."
"Is that the same Croydon Clocktower Gallery and Museum which has recently been refurbished at a cost of over four million guineas - the one which the gentlemen of the press are calling one of the country's most exciting new exhibition spaces?"
"The very same, Watson. It appears that Croydon, if you will permit me the analogy, is now the cultural Mecca of the south."
"Good grief, Holmes!"
"Calm down, Watson. The point of my peregrinations was to elicit details of a new exhibition entitled Sherlock Holmes and the Clocktower Mystery. Intrepid visitors thereto will be lured into a recreation of all the smells, sounds, and sights of the underbelly of Victorian England, and urged to solve the mystery of a most foul and unlawful killing."
"A multi-sensory, interactive murder mystery, Holmes?"
"Precisely. Participants will be able to cross-examine two living witnesses at the end of their journey, but must swear never to reveal the name of the villain as long as they live."
"Heavens, Holmes! Is this another cruel machination by Moriarty to sully our relations with Scotland Yard?"
"No, Watson, it is an excellent test of the much underrated mental agility of the general public, meant to foster historical curiosity and rigorous thinking in an atmosphere of thrilling doom. Checkmate, by the way. Oh, don't look so crestfallen, Watson. Here comes Mrs Hudson with our tea and cakes."
To 10 Mar 1996, Croydon Clocktower, Catherine St, Croydon (0181-253 1030); Mon-Sat 11am-5pm, Sun 12pm-5pm, pounds 3.50/pounds 1.75 concs