If you could live anywhere: Huffty, presenter of 'The Word'

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The Independent Culture
Rents an attic room in a friend's terrace house in Newcastle

LOCATION: Tynemouth, a small town on the north coast. (When I was growing up, I lived two towns along in Whitley Bay.) It's a beautiful place with a long sandy beach, a little cove, nice views of the sea and it's within 20 minutes of Newcastle.

ESSENTIAL LOCAL AMENITIES: A 24-hour supermarket, a friendly pub.

CHARACTER: Detached three-storey house with bay windows and a balcony.

PERIOD: Last century, modernised.

CONSTRUCTION: Light-coloured local stone, with a slate roof.

BEDROOMS: Four, so I could have plenty of friends to stay and they wouldn't have to sleep on the settee. My bedroom would be big and lead on to the balcony.

BATHROOMS: Two. Mine would be en suite and orange in colour. I'd have a shower and a big sunken bath surrounded by carpet.

RECEPTION ROOMS: A front room, a dining room, a TV room, and a room to house my Fifties bar which is shaped like the front of a ship. It is in my bedroom at the moment and needs a room that will set it off nicely. I think flock wallpaper and a net suspended from the ceiling with plastic crabs and lobsters hanging from it would be conducive to the bar atmosphere. I would need to get some bar stools and install a pool table. I'd also like a playroom. Like the play areas they have in leisure centres, the walls would be padded so the kids couldn't hurt themselves and there would be slides and piles of soft balls to jump in. All my friends' kids could come round and play - if I got drunk in the bar, I might play too]

ESSENTIAL KITCHEN FEATURES: A telly, a washer-dryer, loads of cupboards and chopping space, a walk-in larder. The kitchen would be big with an island in the middle for the gas cooker. I wouldn't say I was a great cook, but I like pottering around the kitchen.

DECORATIVE STYLE: There'd be a mixture of styles because I'd want to keep the stuff that I got from my mam and dad - like the wardrobe that has been in my bedroom since I was a bairn. I'd have deep shag pile carpets everywhere and a really expensive settee upholstered in velvet so I could settle down comfortably to watch TV: I spend a great amount of time watching TV. I'd have thick velvet curtains down to the floor, pouffes to put your feet up on and nests of tables everywhere because they are so useful. I'm not good with colours so I'd get my friends who are good at decorating houses to help me.

LUXURIES: An indoor swimming pool.

ANY SPECIAL OUTBUILDINGS: A wooden garden shed with little windows. It wouldn't be for garden tools, but for me to sit in. There would be a carpet, a comfortable chair and a kettle for making cups of tea.

VIEW FROM THE WINDOWS: The beach and the sea.

SIZE OF GARDEN: I'm a terrible gardener but I would like a big, established garden. My friends with green fingers would come and do it for me.

GARDEN'S BEST FEATURES: An outside barbecue area and a tree house.

NEIGHBOURS: I'd move all my friends in next door.

MOTTO OVER THE DOOR: 'Divent burgle we - we Geordies' (Don't burgle us, we're Geordies).

WHAT IT WOULD COST: According to Cornerstone estate agents, Huffty's dream home does not exist - properties in Tynemouth are mainly turn-of- the-century and terrace. If it did, she would have to pay pounds 250,000- pounds 300,000 for a house with views of the sea. Even a flat in Tynemouth can cost pounds 100,000 because the locality is so popular.

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