In the words of Hamlet's father: `List, list, O list'

Unusual Phobias No 3: Agaphobia - fear of being made fun of for having a trendy stove
Click to follow
The Independent Culture
Ten things that are said to

be good if strong, or even

extra strong

Peppermints

Ale

Arm tactics

Man in a circus

Feelings

Box

Room

Language

Bow

Drink

Ten subjects introduced into pub quizzes in order to baffle the intellectuals and swots who would otherwise know everything and win every time

TV soaps

Pop music

Sport

TV signature tunes

Video games

Footballers' nicknames

Famous moustaches

History of underwear

Cartoon characters

History of crime

Ten unfortunate ways to open a conversation

"I don't know anyone here."

"Haven't we met somewhere before?"

"I'm sure I know your face from somewhere..."

"You're from Barnsley, aren't you?"

"There's someone in Barnsley who is the spitting image of you."

"You'd like Barnsley."

"So, what do you think of this Monica Lewinsky business then?"

"Did you see the news the other night?"

"Did you see the papers this morning?"

"What line of business are you in, then?"

Ten unusual phobias

Agoraphobia - fear of old Greek market places

Aguephobia - fear of getting diseases mentioned only by Shakespeare, which no living doctor can cure any more

Agaphobia - fear of being made fun of for having a trendy stove

Aggrophobia - fear of being duffed up by football fans

Aghaphobia - fear of the leader of a small Ismaili sect

Accraphobia - fear of being beaten up in a lawless African city

Agraphobia - fear of being overcharged by an Indian tour operator

Acrephobia - fear of not being able to convert English land values into hectares

Eigerphobia - fear of falling off snowy heights

Agar-agarophobia - fear of any gelatinous substance made from seaweed

Ten poncy words that people use as an alternative to `two'

Duo

Brace

Duet

Diptych

Brace

Twain

Coupling

Tandem

Deuce

Twosome

Ten unsatisfying ways to end a conversation

"Let's agree to differ, shall we?"

"It's only a game, after all"

"Some you win, some you lose."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"Good heavens, is that the time?"

"I've just seen someone over there I really must grab before they go..."

"Oh, well, it takes all sorts..."

"I've just realised you're not the person I thought you were."

"I have just realised you are so pig-headed that I am going to beat you over the head with golf clubs."

"We must do lunch."

Ten books never referred to by name, but only by the names of the people who started them

Wisden

Debrett's

Burke's

Roget's

Chambers'

Fowler

Pears

Brewer's

Larousse

Webster's

Ten things which are useless by themselves but which we always keep, just in case

A single sock

A single glove

One Monopoly pounds 5 note

An earring

Any button

One screw lying innocently on the car floor

Fifty-one playing cards

One phone number on a loose piece of paper, no name attached

A nearly empty bottle of flat tonic water

A single spare shoe lace

Comments