Independent Pursuits: Creativity

A BUMPER crop of creative uses for genetically Monsantified tomatoes. Cook with Lucrezia Borgia - boeuf a la BSE, lait au E coli, et tomates Monchante (Sue Johnson). Self-cooling gazpacho (Alan Brooker).

Prizes for a three-legged race (Joan Vinnicombe). Feed Wyatt & Morgan at the OK Corral, make Two-Martyrs Earp (BB); Agent Tomato, born-again military defoliant (Derek Holmes).

Lone Ranger and Tomto (Peter Thomas); Redskins starring opposite John Wayne. If skinless, serve at bar mitzvahs (Tony Brandon). Skins for tom- toms (Harold Smith). Bulbs for red-light districts (Tony McCoy O'Grady). Book marks for pulp fiction (JV). Red noses for elephants (Peter Houghton). Bomb Salad Hussein (James A Kelly). Paint pillar boxes, phone booths and London buses (Octavia Leigh). Make tomato fetchup (JR Gore). Sentence to life in the can (JAK).

Use Alsatian genes to get Rin-Tin-Tinned tomatoes; mountain goat genes to get a tomatahorn; bullfighter genes to get a tomatador; palaeontologist genes to get a Tomatosaurus rex (PT). Cross with a kipper to breed red herrings (Colin Archer). Splice in cannabis DNA for "salad daze" (Max Beran). Polymerise with a GM lemon and a GM lime to make insect-repellent traffic lights (SJ). Cross with GM soya to make Huckleberry Finn (JRG). Force-feed robots to get automata (Mike Gifford). Tomato Computers - a rival for Apple and Apricot? (John O'Byrne). Throw at unmodified geneticists in the stocks on village greens (BB). Programme to throw themselves at the stock in country kitchens (Susan Tomes). Grow contoured, to fit comically relieved noses (Eric Bridgstock). Use to transfuse victims ready for vegetarian vampires' visits (AB). Cook with cloned lamb; call it Dolly mixture (Matthew White). Edible earmuffs (Shirley Edmundson).

With added nuclear strike capability, enable arms manufacturers to qualify for EU farming subsidies (Martin Brown). In nuclear warheads, 2lb is a critical mass (Andrew Duncan). Employ as saucy comedians, pureetan ministers or stalkers (PH). As snooker balls with six open-mouthed Monsanto executives as pockets (BB). As tennis balls for unseeded players (JV). Serve at Wimbledon; sip a tomato deuce at 40-40 (ST).

And finally: Drew Barrow notes that the BBC has been using six-pip GMT on the hour for years. Peter Thomas, Alan Brooker, Matthew White take home a Chambers Dictionary of Quotations. Three more for suggestions for appropriate collective nouns. A gaggle of geese, but how about accountants, Creativity contributors, deep-sea divers...? e-mail Loki.Valhalla@ btinternet.com or write to Creativity, Features, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, London E14 5DL by 8 April. On 6 April, automated phone scripts. Readers' meetings may be set up. Please say if you would like to attend.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Christopher Eccleston (centre) plays an ex-policeman in this cliché-riddled thriller

TV review
Arts and Entertainment
Lena Headey looks very serious as Cersei Lannister in Game of Thrones

TV This TV review contains spoilers
Arts and Entertainment

film
Arts and Entertainment
Wiz Khalifa performs on stage during day one of the Wireless Festival at Perry Park in Birmingham

music
Arts and Entertainment
Festival-goers soak up the atmosphere at Glastonbury

music

Arts and Entertainment
Star Wars creator George Lucas

film

Arts and Entertainment

music

Arts and Entertainment
A shot from the forthcoming Fast and Furious 7

film

Arts and Entertainment
The new-look Top of the Pops could see Fearne Cotton returns as a host alongside Dermot O'Leary

TV

Arts and Entertainment
The leader of the Church of Scientology David Miscavige

TV

Arts and Entertainment
No half measures: ‘The Secret Life of the Pub’

Grace Dent on TV The Secret Life of the Pub is sexist, ageist and a breath of fresh air

Arts and Entertainment
Art on their sleeves: before downloads and streaming, enthusiasts used to flick through racks of albums in their local record shops
musicFor Lois Pryce, working in a record shop was a dream job - until the bean counters ruined it
Arts and Entertainment
Serial suspect: the property heir charged with first-degree murder, Robert Durst
TV review
Arts and Entertainment
Igarashi in her

Art Megumi Igarashi criticises Japan's 'backwards' attitude to women's sexual expression

Arts and Entertainment
Could Ed Sheeran conquer the Seven Kingdoms? He could easily pass for a Greyjoy like Alfie Allen's character (right)

tv Singer could become the most unlikely star of Westeros

Arts and Entertainment
Beyonce, Boris Johnson, Putin, Nigel Farage, Russell Brand and Andy Murray all get the Spitting Image treatment from Newzoids
tvReview: The sketches need to be very short and very sharp as puppets are not intrinsically funny
Arts and Entertainment
Despite the controversy it caused, Mile Cyrus' 'Wrecking Ball' video won multiple awards
musicPoll reveals over 70% of the British public believe sexually explicit music videos should get ratings
Arts and Entertainment
Lena Headey as Cersei Lannister and Ian Beattie as Meryn Trant in the fifth season of Game of Thrones

TV
Arts and Entertainment

book review
Arts and Entertainment
It's all in the genes: John Simm working in tandem with David Threlfall in 'Code of a Killer'

TV review
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

    Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

    How a costume drama became a Sunday night staple
    Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers as he pushes Tories on housing

    Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers

    Labour leader pushes Tories on housing
    Aviation history is littered with grand failures - from the the Bristol Brabazon to Concorde - but what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?

    Aviation history is littered with grand failures

    But what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?
    Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of Soviet-style 'iron curtains' right across Europe

    Fortress Europe?

    Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of 'iron curtains'
    Never mind what you're wearing, it's what you're reclining on

    Never mind what you're wearing

    It's what you're reclining on that matters
    General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband

    Chuka Umunna: A virus of racism runs through Ukip

    The shadow business secretary on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
    Yemen crisis: This exotic war will soon become Europe's problem

    Yemen's exotic war will soon affect Europe

    Terrorism and boatloads of desperate migrants will be the outcome of the Saudi air campaign, says Patrick Cockburn
    Marginal Streets project aims to document voters in the run-up to the General Election

    Marginal Streets project documents voters

    Independent photographers Joseph Fox and Orlando Gili are uploading two portraits of constituents to their website for each day of the campaign
    Game of Thrones: Visit the real-life kingdom of Westeros to see where violent history ends and telly tourism begins

    The real-life kingdom of Westeros

    Is there something a little uncomfortable about Game of Thrones shooting in Northern Ireland?
    How to survive a social-media mauling, by the tough women of Twitter

    How to survive a Twitter mauling

    Mary Beard, Caroline Criado-Perez, Louise Mensch, Bunny La Roche and Courtney Barrasford reveal how to trounce the trolls
    Gallipoli centenary: At dawn, the young remember the young who perished in one of the First World War's bloodiest battles

    At dawn, the young remember the young

    A century ago, soldiers of the Empire – many no more than boys – spilt on to Gallipoli’s beaches. On this 100th Anzac Day, there are personal, poetic tributes to their sacrifice
    Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves

    Follow the money as never before

    Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves, reports Rupert Cornwell
    Samuel West interview: The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents

    Samuel West interview

    The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents
    General Election 2015: Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

    Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

    Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, on what the leaders' appearances tell us about them
    Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

    Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

    The architect of the HeForShe movement and head of UN Women on the world's failure to combat domestic violence