Life Etc: Emma Gold's Sexploits

Brief encounters

Ilike these," he said, running his hand over my legs. We both marvelled for a while. He at the stockings and suspenders, me at the pleasure they afforded. You imagine that some men, possibly intellectual types, might be thinking, "That tired, tacky trick isn't going to work on me." But no, the effort is always appreciated and, as is the case with most tricks, it's the simple ones that work best. "Such an easy way to bring happiness," I thought to myself. "I should wear these every day."

The next morning, however, I forgot my good intentions. I really don't want to clip anything restricting around my waist; I don't have the time to search for matching stockings nor the inclination to fiddle with fasteners. Stepping over last night's thong, I reached for a pair of clean, capacious cotton briefs. Isn't a famine supposed to be as good as a feast?

My best friend, a genuine sex kitten, wouldn't be seen dead in a pair of cotton briefs. Not only does she not possess any cotton underwear, I don't believe she owns a pair of briefs either. It's lace thongs all the way for her. Thankfully, she's just about in the minority. A survey by Alldays and Figleaves.com asked women about their knicker preferences. Around half of the women polled liked briefs best. But a surprisingly large number claimed to prefer the cheese-cutter sensation of thongs. They're probably the same women who gladly undergo a Brazilian. Only 5 per cent go without underwear. And 17 per cent admitted to having worn "Tummy Tuckers", an item of clothing previously known as a girdle.

My friend Helen foolishly wore a pair of TTs on a third date, the traditional knicker-removal evening. She weighed up the benefits of looking good on either the outside or the inside and finally plumped for the clinging dress and steel knickers. The normal knickers went on first, then the tights and then, to fix the tights, flatten the stomach and tame the thighs, the heavy duty girdle. She forgot herself after dinner and ended up on his bed, breathing suspended, while his arm attempted to navigate Fort Knox. "Those knickers weren't going anywhere," she told me. "You'd have needed talcum powder, oil and a fork-lift truck to dislodge them." Courteously, he managed to restrict himself to just one question: "Do you usually wear knickers over your tights?" The next time she saw him, she wore the flimsiest dental-floss-style G-string she could find.

One way or the other, we're prepared to suffer. Up to the age of 35, the majority of women questioned in the survey were prepared to wear uncomfortable underwear to please a partner. The rebellion starts at 35 when women wise up, realise no one's trussed up on our behalf and decide there's no need to suffer to achieve an orgasm. We're entitled to one whatever we wear. Just as long as all obstacles can be removed. e.gold@independent.co.uk

Arts and Entertainment
Wonder.land Musical by Damon Albarn

Theatre

Arts and Entertainment

Film review

Arts and Entertainment
Innocent victim: Oli, a 13-year-old from Cornwall, featured in ‘Kids in Crisis?’
TV review
News
Northern exposure: social housing in Edinburgh, where Hassiba now works in a takeaway
books An Algerian scientist adjusts to life working in a kebab shop
Arts and Entertainment
Terminator Genisys: Arnie remains doggedly true to his word as the man who said 'I'll be back', returning once more to protect Sarah Connor in a new instalment

 

film review
Arts and Entertainment

festivals
Arts and Entertainment

Final Top Gear review

TV
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment

music
Arts and Entertainment
Pete Doherty and Carl Barat perform at Glastonbury 2015

music
Arts and Entertainment
Lionel Richie performs live on the Pyramid stage during the third day of Glastonbury Festival

music
Arts and Entertainment
Buying a stairway to Hubbard: the Scientology centre in Los Angeles
film review Chilling inside views on a secretive church
Arts and Entertainment
Jason Williamson, left, and Andrew Fearn of Sleaford Mods
musicYou are nobody in public life until you have been soundly insulted by Sleaford Mods
Arts and Entertainment
Natalie Dew (Jess) in Bend It Like Beckham The Musical
theatreReview: Bend It Like Beckham hits back of the net on opening night
Arts and Entertainment
The young sea-faring Charles Darwin – seen here in an 1809 portrait – is to be portrayed as an Indiana Jones-style adventurer
film
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Is this the future of flying: battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks?

    Is this the future of flying?

    Battery-powered planes made of plastic, and without flight decks
    Isis are barbarians – but the Caliphate is a dream at the heart of all Muslim traditions

    Isis are barbarians

    but the Caliphate is an ancient Muslim ideal
    The Brink's-Mat curse strikes again: three tons of stolen gold that brought only grief

    Curse of Brink's Mat strikes again

    Death of John 'Goldfinger' Palmer the latest killing related to 1983 heist
    Greece debt crisis: 'The ministers talk to us about miracles' – why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum

    'The ministers talk to us about miracles'

    Why Greeks are cynical ahead of the bailout referendum
    Call of the wild: How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate

    Call of the wild

    How science is learning to decode the way animals communicate
    Greece debt crisis: What happened to democracy when it’s a case of 'Vote Yes or else'?

    'The economic collapse has happened. What is at risk now is democracy...'

    If it doesn’t work in Europe, how is it supposed to work in India or the Middle East, asks Robert Fisk
    The science of swearing: What lies behind the use of four-letter words?

    The science of swearing

    What lies behind the use of four-letter words?
    The Real Stories of Migrant Britain: Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won't have him back

    The Real Stories of Migrant Britain

    Clive fled from Zimbabwe - now it won’t have him back
    Africa on the menu: Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the continent

    Africa on the menu

    Three foodie friends want to popularise dishes from the hot new continent
    Donna Karan is stepping down after 30 years - so who will fill the DKNY creator's boots?

    Who will fill Donna Karan's boots?

    The designer is stepping down as Chief Designer of DKNY after 30 years. Alexander Fury looks back at the career of 'America's Chanel'
    10 best statement lightbulbs

    10 best statement lightbulbs

    Dare to bare with some out-of-the-ordinary illumination
    Wimbledon 2015: Heather Watson - 'I had Serena's poster on my wall – now I'm playing her'

    Heather Watson: 'I had Serena's poster on my wall – now I'm playing her'

    Briton pumped up for dream meeting with world No 1
    Wimbledon 2015: Nick Bollettieri - It's time for big John Isner to produce the goods to go with his thumping serve

    Nick Bollettieri's Wimbledon Files

    It's time for big John Isner to produce the goods to go with his thumping serve
    Dustin Brown: Who is the tennis player who knocked Rafael Nadal out of Wimbeldon 2015?

    Dustin Brown

    Who is the German player that knocked Nadal out of Wimbeldon 2015?
    Ashes 2015: Damien Martyn - 'England are fired up again, just like in 2005...'

    Damien Martyn: 'England are fired up again, just like in 2005...'

    Australian veteran of that Ashes series, believes the hosts' may become unstoppable if they win the first Test