So why not slip into something more uncomfortable and make your way - chains permitting - to the Hammersmith Palais, London, on Monday 31 October? Graig Morrison is doing the fashion, Barbie and Reg, like, spin the platters, man, and the tickets are pounds 12. Ring 081-968 9692 for details . . . Barbie - ain't she a doll? - is 35 come 30 October. A favourite with those of us who like our sex goddesses totally plastic rather than in bits and pieces - are you listening, Pamela Anderson? - the icon of the under-10's doesn't look a day over 34 and has survived a relationship with a man with no visible genitalia to bring to you a perfectly fabulous range of birthday goodies.
Cake tins, soap, heart-shaped foam bath, 100 per cent cotton sleepovers and a Nostaglia Barbie complete with (wait for it) a zebra print swimsuit - I want it all and I want it now.
Green Screen, the International Environmental Film Festival, kicks off on 2 November for five days with 50 films from 30 countries and the British premiere of Earth and the American Dream starring Bette Midler, Jack Nicholson and Jacques Cousteau. Jacques plays the love interest . . . To book, contact the Green Screen box office, 45 Shelton Street, Covent Garden, London WC2H 9JH.