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Music Lyric Sheets: And so the God of Easy Listening Said...

The veteran singer Andy Williams, currently enjoying a renaissance with his retrospective collection, `In the Lounge with Andy Williams', has just entered the singles chart at No 9 with `Music to Watch Girls By'.

You should buy this, kids

You really should

And not just in a post-modern

Ironic sort of way

Because during the Sixties

When your dad was lying on a

muddy greatcoat

At a three-day pop festival

Not far from Lewes

Being straddled

By a wild girl called Suzie Sunchild

Who is now called Mrs Clarke

And probably runs a Sue Ryder Shop

Somewhere in Berkshire,

This is what his mum listened to

As she ironed his spare flares

With the hipster, three-inch belt loops

And the tapestry patches

All the while, humming along

In her best he'll-grow-out-of-it way

Yeah, you should buy this, kids

Because Andy's backing singers

In some cases here

Were those lovable

Amphetamine chipmunks,

The Osmond Brothers

In all their close harmony,

Enamel-stripping former glory

No, really. Do this for your dad.

Make a cassette of Andy Williams

Send it to him and your step-mum

Wish him all the best

With his t'ai chi workshops

Point out to him how fresh it sounds

Compared to, say, Jefferson Airplane

Because his mum was right.

And he was wrong.

And we're all straight now

So it's OK to like it

Almost like a war's over.