MUSIC: Lyric Sheets: Hamster

A SINGLE featuring a yodelling hamster seems the only threat to Sir Cliff Richard's chart supremacy this side of Christmas. 'Cognoscenti versus Intelligentsia', by The Cuban Boys, is a dance mix of the cult rodent taken from the eighth most-visited Internet site

Supposing it hadn't been Elvis

Who'd cut the Crudup cover

In July 1954

But a yodelling hamster?

And not Carl Perkins, Jerry Lee

or Little Richard on his heels

But some other hamsters?

What if Lennon and McCartney

Fingers bleeding on first guitars

in adolescent bedrooms

Had been two northern hamsters?

Supposing Townshend, Davies

Graham Gouldman, Roy Wood

hadn't penned those pop songs.

But yodelling hamsters had?

Now lets ratchet up a gear.

What if Bowie, Bolan, Ferry

Eno, Kraftwerk and Can

Had been yodelling hamsters?

And in the USA, Brian Wilson,

Phil Spector, Lou Reed, Iggy

And the New York Dolls.

All of them, yodelling hamsters.

And instead of punk rock:

The Sex Pistols, The Clash,

And the yodelling Damnsters

Leading neatly to New Romantics

Rap, Acid House, Rave, Grunge,

Brit-pop, Hardcore, Death Metal,

The whole gamut, all hamsters?

And though none of this happened.

What have we ended up with?

Precisely. A yodelling hamster.

And Sir Cliff's "Millennium Prayer".

So without any hesitation at all

Who do we want at Number One?

Thank you.