The Saturday Miscellany: What Does The Fox Say?; elevator mirrors; how to trick or treat

 

THE DIGESTED FAD: That ridiculous fox song

By Oscar Quine

Like bad smells, viral music videos drift out of the collective consciousness as quickly as they waft in. And just as the damage done by "Gangnam Style" and "The Harlem Shake" begins to heal, a major setback looms. "What Does The Fox Say?" by Norwegian duo Ylvis has been in the charts for five weeks and ratcheted up a bazillion YouTube views.

Mining an abominable niche between nursery rhyme and Eurohouse banger, the lyrics inanely identify what a range of animals 'say': a dog goes woof, sure, but fish goes blub? Really? And elephant goes toot? They conclude that the fox has no sound to call its own. What's more, now's the moment to rectify that. In quick-fire, and increasingly shrill, succession they suggest 'Gering-ding-ding-ding.' Hmm. 'Wa-pa-pa-pa-pow.' Nope. 'Hate-hattee-hattee-ho.' Dear God, no.

The frantic search reaches fever pitch until, finally, the enigmatic fox reveals itself in all its CGI glory, opens his mouth and... only bloody sounds like Vic Reeves' club singer off Shooting Stars.

Aside from PTSD, there are a few other rational responses to hearing "What Does The Fox Say?". One can get philosophical (what did the fox say?), or consider the effects the song may have on the cultural construction of the fox. Or, you can close your eyes tight and pray with all your might that this is the last one of these songs in a while. Or ever.

But what's that we hear? The distant sound of Alison Gold's "Chinese Food", approaching fast. Unplug the router. We want out.

HOW TO: Trick or treat

By Oscar Quine

Done right, Fancy-Dress Begging (or Trick or Treating, if you prefer) can prove a bountiful undertaking. Here's how to clean up in Tangfastics:

Outfits, of course, are essential; especially for adults. Social stigma dictates that those over 14 should not partake in T/T. But with well-applied make-up (go old: wizened witch or wizard, perhaps?), or copious bandaging, who's to know?

Have a trick in mind. Today's T/Ters often make the mistake of an empty ultimatum. But the knowledge of potential sanctions for non-givers will bring a certain persuasiveness to your performance. Carry visible symbols of intended reprimand: water bombs, etc. catapults, pots of paint…

Lenny Bruce, aged eight, from Brighton (above) has this advice for T/Ters: "Firstly, go and knock on their door to get sweets, then go back home, then get another costume, and go back to the door again. You can do this as many different times as you have costumes."

A BRIEF OPINION HELD: By The Independent Magazine editorial board

"Hey good looking." Not our words, folks, but those of the person next to you in a lift. There is only one certainty in life and it's that we all look fantastic in the mirror of an elevator. OK, there's your deaths, your taxes, but the point is, you're in a lift and you look swell.

A theatrical friend explains that it's the overhead spotlights giving faces a moody glow, like Hamlet, betwixt floors, musing upon where to alight.

We at the Magazine believe that the heady combination of lights, the enclosed metallic box and the tight mirror angles make all of us look our best. In a lift, you're not just worth it, you're the CEO of L'Oréal.

So here's the elevator pitch: next time you're feeling blue, kid, head to a lift, catch a glimpse of your beautiful, chiselled features and enjoy an ego boost. And don't forget to break the awkward elevator silence by telling your fellow passengers how good they look too.

INSTANT ETHICS

By Ellen E Jones

Dear Ellen

Q. My colleague keeps tampering with my computer. I want to retaliate, but am worried things will escalate.

A. You should definitely retaliate. With any luck the situation will escalate, providing you both with some welcome distraction from work, which, as everyone knows, is boring.

@MsEllen E Jones

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Mark, Katie and Sanjay in The Apprentice boardroom
TV
Arts and Entertainment

Film The critics but sneer but these unfashionable festive films are our favourites

Arts and Entertainment
Frances O'Connor and James Nesbitt in 'The Missing'

TV We're so close to knowing what happened to Oliver Hughes, but a last-minute bluff crushes expectations

Arts and Entertainment
Joey Essex will be hitting the slopes for series two of The Jump

TV

Who is taking the plunge?
Arts and Entertainment
Katy Perry as an Ancient Egyptian princess in her latest music video for 'Dark Horse'

music
Arts and Entertainment
Dame Judi Dench, as M in Skyfall

film
Arts and Entertainment
Morrissey, 1988

TV
Arts and Entertainment
William Pooley from Suffolk is flying out to Free Town, Sierra Leone, to continue working in health centres to fight Ebola after surviving the disease himself

music
Arts and Entertainment
The Newsroom creator Aaron Sorkin

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Matt Berry (centre), the star of Channel 4 sitcom 'Toast of London'

TVA disappointingly dull denouement
Arts and Entertainment
Tales from the cryptanalyst: Benedict Cumberbatch in 'The Imitation Game'

film
Arts and Entertainment
Pixie Lott has been voted off Strictly Come Dancing 2014

Strictly
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton: The power dynamics of the two first families

    Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton

    Karen Tumulty explores the power dynamics of the two first families
    Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley with a hotbed of technology start-ups

    Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley

    The Swedish capital is home to two of the most popular video games in the world, as well as thousands of technology start-ups worth hundreds of millions of pounds – and it's all happened since 2009
    Did Japanese workers really get their symbols mixed up and display Santa on a crucifix?

    Crucified Santa: Urban myth refuses to die

    The story goes that Japanese store workers created a life-size effigy of a smiling "Father Kurisumasu" attached to a facsimile of Our Lord's final instrument of torture
    Jennifer Saunders and Kate Moss join David Walliams on set for TV adaptation of The Boy in the Dress

    The Boy in the Dress: On set with the stars

    Walliams' story about a boy who goes to school in a dress will be shown this Christmas
    La Famille Bélier is being touted as this year's Amelie - so why are many in the deaf community outraged by it?

    Deaf community outraged by La Famille Bélier

    The new film tells the story of a deaf-mute farming family and is being touted as this year's Amelie
    10 best high-end laptops

    10 best high-end laptops

    From lightweight and zippy devices to gaming beasts, we test the latest in top-spec portable computers
    Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

    Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

    The batsman has grown disillusioned after England’s Ashes debacle and allegations linking him to the Pietersen affair
    Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

    Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

    The Williams driver has had plenty of doubters, but hopes she will be judged by her ability in the cockpit
    Calls for a military mental health 'quality mark'

    Homeless Veterans campaign

    Expert calls for military mental health 'quality mark'
    Racton Man: Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman

    Meet Racton Man

    Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman
    Garden Bridge: St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters

    Garden Bridge

    St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters
    Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament: An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel

    Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament

    An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel
    Joint Enterprise: The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice

    Joint Enterprise

    The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice
    Freud and Eros: Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum: Objects of Desire

    Freud and Eros

    Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum
    France's Front National and the fear of a ‘gay lobby’ around Marine Le Pen

    Front National fear of ‘gay lobby’

    Marine Le Pen appoints Sébastien Chenu as cultural adviser