The Saturday Miscellany: What Does The Fox Say?; elevator mirrors; how to trick or treat

 

THE DIGESTED FAD: That ridiculous fox song

By Oscar Quine

Like bad smells, viral music videos drift out of the collective consciousness as quickly as they waft in. And just as the damage done by "Gangnam Style" and "The Harlem Shake" begins to heal, a major setback looms. "What Does The Fox Say?" by Norwegian duo Ylvis has been in the charts for five weeks and ratcheted up a bazillion YouTube views.

Mining an abominable niche between nursery rhyme and Eurohouse banger, the lyrics inanely identify what a range of animals 'say': a dog goes woof, sure, but fish goes blub? Really? And elephant goes toot? They conclude that the fox has no sound to call its own. What's more, now's the moment to rectify that. In quick-fire, and increasingly shrill, succession they suggest 'Gering-ding-ding-ding.' Hmm. 'Wa-pa-pa-pa-pow.' Nope. 'Hate-hattee-hattee-ho.' Dear God, no.

The frantic search reaches fever pitch until, finally, the enigmatic fox reveals itself in all its CGI glory, opens his mouth and... only bloody sounds like Vic Reeves' club singer off Shooting Stars.

Aside from PTSD, there are a few other rational responses to hearing "What Does The Fox Say?". One can get philosophical (what did the fox say?), or consider the effects the song may have on the cultural construction of the fox. Or, you can close your eyes tight and pray with all your might that this is the last one of these songs in a while. Or ever.

But what's that we hear? The distant sound of Alison Gold's "Chinese Food", approaching fast. Unplug the router. We want out.

HOW TO: Trick or treat

By Oscar Quine

Done right, Fancy-Dress Begging (or Trick or Treating, if you prefer) can prove a bountiful undertaking. Here's how to clean up in Tangfastics:

Outfits, of course, are essential; especially for adults. Social stigma dictates that those over 14 should not partake in T/T. But with well-applied make-up (go old: wizened witch or wizard, perhaps?), or copious bandaging, who's to know?

Have a trick in mind. Today's T/Ters often make the mistake of an empty ultimatum. But the knowledge of potential sanctions for non-givers will bring a certain persuasiveness to your performance. Carry visible symbols of intended reprimand: water bombs, etc. catapults, pots of paint…

Lenny Bruce, aged eight, from Brighton (above) has this advice for T/Ters: "Firstly, go and knock on their door to get sweets, then go back home, then get another costume, and go back to the door again. You can do this as many different times as you have costumes."

A BRIEF OPINION HELD: By The Independent Magazine editorial board

"Hey good looking." Not our words, folks, but those of the person next to you in a lift. There is only one certainty in life and it's that we all look fantastic in the mirror of an elevator. OK, there's your deaths, your taxes, but the point is, you're in a lift and you look swell.

A theatrical friend explains that it's the overhead spotlights giving faces a moody glow, like Hamlet, betwixt floors, musing upon where to alight.

We at the Magazine believe that the heady combination of lights, the enclosed metallic box and the tight mirror angles make all of us look our best. In a lift, you're not just worth it, you're the CEO of L'Oréal.

So here's the elevator pitch: next time you're feeling blue, kid, head to a lift, catch a glimpse of your beautiful, chiselled features and enjoy an ego boost. And don't forget to break the awkward elevator silence by telling your fellow passengers how good they look too.

INSTANT ETHICS

By Ellen E Jones

Dear Ellen

Q. My colleague keeps tampering with my computer. I want to retaliate, but am worried things will escalate.

A. You should definitely retaliate. With any luck the situation will escalate, providing you both with some welcome distraction from work, which, as everyone knows, is boring.

@MsEllen E Jones

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment
Thomas carried Lady Edith over the flames in her bedroom in Downton Abbey series five

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Ben Affleck as Nick Dunne, seated next to a picture of his missing wife Amy, played by Rosamund Pike

film
Arts and Entertainment
Rachel, Chandler and Ross try to get Ross's sofa up the stairs in the famous 'Pivot!' scene

Friends 20th anniversary
Arts and Entertainment
Lena Dunham

books
Arts and Entertainment
A bit rich: Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey

There’s revolution in the air, but one lady’s not for turning

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Chloe-Jasmine Whicello impressed the judges and the audience at Wembley Arena with a sultry performance
TVReview: Who'd have known Simon was such a Roger Rabbit fan?
Arts and Entertainment
Nick Frost will star in the Doctor Who 2014 Christmas special

TV
Arts and Entertainment
A spell in the sun: Emma Stone and Colin Firth star in ‘Magic in the Moonlight’
filmReview: Magic In The Moonlight
Arts and Entertainment
Friends is celebrating its 20th anniversary this year
TV
Arts and Entertainment
Ben Whishaw is replacing Colin Firth as the voice of Paddington Bear

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Actor and director Zach Braff

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Maisie Williams plays 'bad ass' Arya Stark in Game of Thrones

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Liam Neeson said he wouldn't

TV
Arts and Entertainment

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Meera Syal was a member of the team that created Goodness Gracious Me

TV
Arts and Entertainment
The former Doctor Who actor is to play a vicar is search of a wife

film
Arts and Entertainment

music
Arts and Entertainment
Pointless host Alexander Armstrong will voice Danger Mouse on CBBC

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Pharrell dismissed the controversy surrounding

music
Arts and Entertainment
Jack Huston is the new Ben-Hur

film
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Syria air strikes: ‘Peace President’ Obama had to take stronger action against Isis after beheadings

    Robert Fisk on Syria air strikes

    ‘Peace President’ Obama had to take stronger action against Isis after beheadings
    Will Lindsay Lohan's West End debut be a turnaround moment for her career?

    Lindsay Lohan's West End debut

    Will this be a turnaround moment for her career?
    'The Crocodile Under the Bed': Judith Kerr's follow-up to 'The Tiger Who Came to Tea'

    The follow-up to 'The Tiger Who Came to Tea'

    Judith Kerr on what inspired her latest animal intruder - 'The Crocodile Under the Bed' - which has taken 46 years to get into print
    BBC Television Centre: A nostalgic wander through the sets, studios and ghosts of programmes past

    BBC Television Centre

    A nostalgic wander through the sets, studios and ghosts of programmes past
    Lonesome George: Custody battle in Galapagos over tortoise remains

    My George!

    Custody battle in Galapagos over tortoise remains
    10 best rucksacks for backpackers

    Pack up your troubles: 10 best rucksacks for backpackers

    Off on an intrepid trip? Experts from student trip specialists Real Gap and Quest Overseas recommend luggage for travellers on the move
    Secret politics of the weekly shop

    The politics of the weekly shop

    New app reveals political leanings of food companies
    Beam me up, Scottie!

    Beam me up, Scottie!

    Celebrity Trekkies from Alex Salmond to Barack Obama
    Beware Wet Paint: The ICA's latest ambitious exhibition

    Beware Wet Paint

    The ICA's latest ambitious exhibition
    Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

    Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

    Can 'The Endless River' carry on the tradition?
    Sanctuary for the suicidal

    Sanctuary for the suicidal

    One mother's story of how London charity Maytree helped her son with his depression
    A roller-coaster tale from the 'voice of a generation'

    Not That Kind of Girl:

    A roller-coaster tale from 'voice of a generation' Lena Dunham
    London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice. In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence

    London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice

    In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence
    Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with Malcolm McLaren

    Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with McLaren

    Designer 'felt pressured' into going out with Sex Pistols manager
    Jourdan Dunn: Model mother

    Model mother

    Jordan Dunn became one of the best-paid models in the world