MUSIC / Lyric Sheets:The Landlord That Time Forgot
Thursday 26 August 1993
Oft re-used and in supply
Regulars would chortle at them
None of them remembered why
Served in evenings, clad in blazer
Food . . . 'Untouched by human hand
Wife has cooked it. Ha ha, geddit?
All except the greens - they're canned'
Music? Yes quite fond of music
Said he liked that Scottish band
Very celtic, liked the rhythm
Simple Minds? 'No Jimmy Shand'
Claimed the Sixties caused the problem
Sex and drugs and all that jive
Blamed those intellectual beatniks
Singling out the Dave Clark Five
'That's not music - not to my mind
Frankly it's a bloody noise
Got no tune - you can't enjoy it
Hard to tell the girls from boys
Shower of shit this generation
Sell their mums for half a crown
If we had another war now
Most of them would just lie down
Lager? Only keep the one on
No room for a cooler-shelf
Wife drinks one for indigestion
Wouldn't touch the stuff myself
Yes sir, can I do you now sir?
Just like that] What would you like?
I resemble that remark sir]
I'm in charge] Whoops - mind my bike]'
Welcome to Jurassic Pub
The pies are cold, the lager's hot
The handlebar moustache of Satan
On the landlord time forgot
(But he never forgot Time)
TV review Nick Hewer, the man whose eyebrows speak a thousand words, is set to leave The Apprentice
Film The critics but sneer but these unfashionable festive films are our favourites
TV We're so close to knowing what happened to Oliver Hughes, but a last-minute bluff crushes expectations
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Nigel Farage: Me vs Russell Brand on Question Time – he's got the chest hair but where are his ideas?
- 2 Harry Potter fans can apply to the Hogwarts-inspired College of Wizardry
- 3 Jessica Chambers: 19-year-old woman 'doused with lighter fluid and burned alive' in the US
- 4 Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
- 5 Orange Wednesdays are no more
Peter Lik: The self-proclaimed 'fine-art photographer' whose work sells for millions
The best underrated Christmas movies from Love, Actually to While You Were Sleeping
Grace Dent on TV: The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies was a beautifully shot, immensely considered drama
The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies, review: Jason Watkins is brilliant, but real victim Joanna Yeates is reduced to a footnote
Marilyn Manson denies involvement in shocking Lana Del Rey rape video
Disgruntled RBS worker writes hilarious open letter to Russell Brand after anti-capitalist publicity stunt leaves him hungry
Nigel Farage defends Kerry Smith 'ch***y' comment: 'If you are going for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?'
Nigel Farage's approval rating hits 'record low' as popularity suffers in wake of Ukip sex scandal
Pakistan school attack live: Taliban kill at least 132 children in 'horrifying' massacre
Sony hack: Angelina Jolie branded 'seriously out of her mind' in further embarrassing leaked email saga
Panic Saturday: 13 million Britons spend £1.2bn – while 13 million others across the country live in poverty unable to afford food