Oft re-used and in supply
Regulars would chortle at them
None of them remembered why
Served in evenings, clad in blazer
Food . . . 'Untouched by human hand
Wife has cooked it. Ha ha, geddit?
All except the greens - they're canned'
Music? Yes quite fond of music
Said he liked that Scottish band
Very celtic, liked the rhythm
Simple Minds? 'No Jimmy Shand'
Claimed the Sixties caused the problem
Sex and drugs and all that jive
Blamed those intellectual beatniks
Singling out the Dave Clark Five
'That's not music - not to my mind
Frankly it's a bloody noise
Got no tune - you can't enjoy it
Hard to tell the girls from boys
Shower of shit this generation
Sell their mums for half a crown
If we had another war now
Most of them would just lie down
Lager? Only keep the one on
No room for a cooler-shelf
Wife drinks one for indigestion
Wouldn't touch the stuff myself
Yes sir, can I do you now sir?
Just like that] What would you like?
I resemble that remark sir]
I'm in charge] Whoops - mind my bike]'
Welcome to Jurassic Pub
The pies are cold, the lager's hot
The handlebar moustache of Satan
On the landlord time forgot
(But he never forgot Time)