Live music: How to put on a charity mega-gig

  • @willydean

On Wednesday night, New York City hosted the star-studded 12-12-12 concert for Hurricane Sandy relief. Thankfully it obeyed almost every charity gig rule in the book:

1 Take as many old white male rock bands as you can think of and double them. Hey presto, there's your line-up!

2 An ill-advised collaboration. Say, Mick Jagger singing "Scream" with Janet Jackson in place of Michael. If Jagger not available, Ed Sheeran or Dave Matthews.

3 A moody reunion by a band who still clearly can't stand each other.

4 Book a hip-hop act that was popular five years ago. Your 50 Cents, your Nellys, your Fergies from Black Eyed Peas...

5 Get someone to steadfastly refuse to play their hits. Clapton, Lou Reed, and George Michael will all gladly oblige on this front.

6 Ricky Gervais being disengenuous about the evening's cause.

7 Annie Lennox must always be involved. No one knows why.

8 Always, always, always close with Paul McCartney. "All the ladies on the left side – Na na na naa-naa na-na-naa, naaa na, na, na, Heeey Juuude" (for 18 minutes).