NET GAINS: Making the most of a cat scan
Saturday 19 September 1998
Congratulations to Kyle, winner of the Internet's first Cat Scan contest. The rules were simple: entrants must place their moggies on a flatbed scanner and email the results. The winner managed to get two moggies onto the scanner, and in case you're worried, the site's owner assures us that entries will be disqualified "if the cat looks like it is in serious pain. If you have to hurt the cat to scan it, your entry will not be allowed," he says. "I love cats, I just believe that a scanned cat is hilarious." He also includes a picture of his own rather satisfied looking cat sitting happily atop a scanner, just to prove you don't have to scar your cat psychologically in order to get that picture.
The winner was decided on the basis of five criteria:
* Style: Does the cat's hair make an interesting pattern?
* Cat beauty: Is this an attractive feline, or a fat, dirty old bag of fleas?
* Form: Does the cat's squashed body look like a pear, or a pile of dough?
* Positioning: Can you see the cat's face or paws?
* Consistency: Did the cat squirm much? Full-body scans have a better chance of victory.
Clinton's sexual scandal rebutted
US President Bill Clinton's web page does not dodge the issue. It includes transcripts of all the President's recent speeches and his office's official rebuttal of the Kenneth Starr report. Whether anyone ploughs through these documents is anybody's guess, but at least it leaves the democratic decision up to the individual.
I had a grudging hope last weekend that the release of the Kenneth Starr report on US President Bill Clinton would push the Internet to total collapse. The sites - which were due to place the report online - were unaccessable for hours before the report was issued. If anybody, like me, tried to log onto Congress's website over the evening of the 11 September, you would have found it impossible.
Everybody was having the same problem, it seemed. At 7.30pm - half an hour after the report was released - the report had not been posted on CNN's website, although it was promising it as soon as possible.
The entire event proved an interesting insight into the world wide web's cruel limitations. It may be excellent for bypassing the usual controlled channels of communication, but when its big day came for disseminating a lot of information very quickly to a lot of people it proved to be hopelessly inadequate for the job.
A Starr report
MusicThe band accidentally called Londoners the C-word
Film 'I've never been comfortable on-screen', she says
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Exodus Gods and Kings: Ridley Scott never considered casting 'Mohammad so-and-so from such-and-such' in lead role
- 2 This letter from a reader explains why women can’t play football
- 3 'You should come to my house and eat cheeses with me': 4-year-old sends adorable love letter to girl at school
- 4 Scientists predict green energy revolution after incredible new graphene discoveries
- 5 Obama: The only people with the right to object to immigration are Native Americans
I'm A Celebrity 2014: Jungle security stepped up after murder and 'suspicious death' close to camp
This house and dental clinic 'piled up like bricks on the brink of collapsing' is why Japan wins at architecture
Jennifer Lawrence scores first UK top 40 single with Hunger Games track 'The Hanging Tree'
Exodus Gods and Kings: Ridley Scott never considered casting 'Mohammad so-and-so from such-and-such' in lead role
James Cameron hypes up Avatar sequels: 'You will s**t yourself with your mouth wide open'
Ukip says babies born to immigrants in the UK should be classed as migrants – which would include Nigel Farage’s own children
Rochester by-election: Ukip gains second MP as Tory defector Mark Reckless holds seat
'Beast of Bolsover' Dennis Skinner takes Ukip MP Mark Reckless to task moments after he is sworn in
The young are the new poor: Sharp increase in number of under-25s living in poverty, while over-65s are better off than ever
Tamir Rice: 12-year-old boy playing with fake gun dies after being shot by Ohio police
Rochester aftermath: Sacking of Emily Thornberry will make work of Labour MPs '10 times harder'