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The Independent Culture
I've become something of a snob about which trials I go to see these days.

John Waters, director of

Serial Mom and true-crime fan,

Time Out

There are those who say I cannot act. And they are right. I cannot act. I am too real.

Nicol Williamson, actor,

London Evening Standard

I would be quite happy for men to hit women if there was a law saying that women could carry guns. Because then, if a man hit you, you could shoot him.

Jo Brand, stand-up comic, Q

I happen to believe that The Dark Stuff contains some of the greatest, most truly heroic stories of my time and generation . . . and no one else has written them quite like me.

Nick Kent, rock journalist,

gives his opinion of a

newly released collection

of his own writing, Arena

I prefer it this way, instead of people leaning out of car windows and shouting obscenities at you.

Kylie Minogue, pop singer,

on her current, quieter

media profile, Face

It's awful to have to follow Picasso.

R B Kitaj, artist, on the

retrospective of his work

about to open at the Tate

Gallery, Guardian

This poor teacher was trying to keep control of this class of rowdy 13-year-olds, and after a while she just gave up and started playing the piano to us. She stopped and said, 'Does anybody know what key that is in?' Without thinking I said:

'C sharp minor.' And she looked

at me and said: 'See me afterwards.'

Jane Glover, conductor,

on how she discovered

she had perfect pitch, Observer

What is that? Some sort of bagel?

Christopher Walken, actor,

on being told he was the

thinking woman's crumpet,

Sunday Times

I cannot write as well as some people; my talent is in coming up with good stories about lawyers. That is what I am

good at.

John Grisham, best-selling

author of novels such as

The Pelican Brief and The

Firm, comes clean,


I haven't made any friends since becoming famous.

Seal, singer, on the price

of his success, Vox

I try to find Radio 4 but I can't with all those bloody music channels.

Jack Charlton, manager of the

Republic of Ireland football

team, on radio's flourishing

new music stations, Guardian